I know this is a symptom of bpd to get bored and want to quit but for MONTHS I have been considering this

I am chronically bored at my job and it’s also kind of a toxic environment. I’m realizing it’s nearly impossible for me to work a 9-5. I’ve used up the little vacation I have and I feel like I’ve already called in sick too many times. As of now my manager does like me and if I leave I could probably still get an OK reference

I don’t have another job lined up but I feel like it’s impossible for me to look LET ALONE recover when I am so depressed because of this job. I just wake up and experience such levels of dread that I am instantly in a dark spiral all day. I’ve tried doing DBT alongside, prioritizing my health and it’s just impossible for me to stick with it. Every week I get derailed and I’m just MISERABLE

The issue is I don’t have something else lined up. I’m sure I could find something but it wouldn’t be great. I honestly just want to take a month or two to focus on my BPD because I don’t even know what I want in my work and clearly I’m having issues regulating

I could take short term disability while I do that / look for jobs but I feel like it will look really bad to quit right after that and it may ruin my reference

Any suggestions please help