So, Ive been doing DBT for soon 2 years in adolescents psych. But during my last contract I havent made enough progress to continue at the clinic. I knew about that arrangement, if I didnt sober up over the summer, I wouldnt be allowed to continue. Yet I continued drinking, often disgarding or not caring for it. Yesterday I had the last meeting w my therapist and family 'therapist'. I made a lot of progress in my self harm, like A LOT, and also in my personal relationships. I was feeling ok during and a little after the goodbye meeting, but a few hours after the abandonment set in, even though I agreed to all the arrangements and thought them reasonable, I coulnt bare with it and drank 3dl of hand sanitizer. Now Im hung over, miserable and alone. For me to come back to the same therapist I need to be sober for 2months, and rn my motivation for that is basically at 0. I just want to rot in a hole.