So… I’m going through hell on Earth with my breakup three months later, and I just want to talk about it with those who understand abandonment through the BPD lens (I was diagnosed in July, and makes this a lot more difficult).

I want to preface by saying I recognize I made a lot of mistakes in the relationships and I’ve spent a long time feeling guilty about how my diagnosis made me deserve this situation. However, I’ve spent so long kicking myself in the butt over those mistakes that led to what feels like the worst breakup ever.

I (TM22) was in a relationship with someone (F21) for four years. We opened our relationship at the beginning, and I began seeing someone (TF23). They met and naturally began liking each other so they also began dating. Relationship issues happened between me and the newer partner and I broke up, while me and my older partner stayed together. The difficulty from healing from the breakup created a strain on me and my older partner (I’d see her with hickey marks from my ex, I’d see their texts to each other on occasion when she’d show me her phone) and she broke up with me because of how difficult it was on my end.

And they’re still together.

I take full accountability for the mistakes I made. I recognize that my undiagnosed BPD being untreated led to both of them breaking up with me. But holy. Effing. Frick. Does this hurt every day knowing both of them and that they are still together. It feels like torture.

TLDR: my ex of four years and I were poly, I began seeing someone, they began seeing each other, newer ex broke up with me, older ex broke up with me due to strain on relationship, and they’re still together. It sucks. :,)