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Hi, im very new to this. Ive considered having BPD for quite some time now (not diagnosed, but sitting w these thoughts since i was 14-15), but I haven’t really considered how it affects me bc I’ve never had an FP until recently. I’m fairly good at being mature as I based a lot of my personality on being the responsible, kind, sweet, funny and lovable person in order for people to like me. Recently tho, i got in a relationship and he became my FP bc he truly is such a wonderful, compassionate person and I thought I finally found someone who understands, loves and is okay with my sometimes overbearing personality and obsessive tendencies. However we broke up about a week ago due to several reasons, most of which were me not respecting his boundaries, making a lot of conversations about me and placing a lot of my emotional burdens on him bc he worries if he tells me something, that I’ll end up hurting myself (which i have, and bc i am too honest, i tell him bc it feels wrong NOT to tell him yk).
I realized how often I did this, but I didnt know (nor did he) how much it bothered him. I often will find myself trying to relate and empathize but I’m not particularly good at that, so I end up not being great at supporting him in the way he needs. The last time we talked, he basically told me everything that has been building up for him and while I completely understand why he feels that way, some of his things he said felt like he was misunderstanding me or that he had held onto things for a long time without telling me how much it bothered him when I didn’t think it was that serious. Every time we talk I feel like I just make everything worse and none of my thoughts come out right, leading to more misunderstandings.
Right now I’m trying to understand where my emotions are valid and where its BPD/mental health related and how I navigate that. I’ve tried reaching out to therapists multiple times but its been taking weeks and i was supposed to have an appt today but they didnt end up calling me. Do yall have any suggestions?
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