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I think about the man who assaulted me
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I know this is really messed up but every so often when I masturbate, I think about my ex who repeatedly assaulted me. I think of all the humiliating things he made me do. And he was really ugly, so, since then, I sort of like hooking up with ugly guys because it’s humiliating in a certain way? I feel so fucked up thinking about it. I often cry when I finish because I feel so guilty. Does anyone else feel this way? Is this because of bpd or some other issues I may have?

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1 year ago