TW: suicide

2020 was super hard for me. I moved towns and a friend committed suicide. I moved back to my hometown but felt super isolated even though I had friends.

Ever since I moved back I go to bed around 8:30pm because I get super bad anxiety and SI. It's like I need to go to bed so I can have a fresh start the next day.

I want to be able to stay up a little later so I'm not sleeping 11 hrs a night.

In the morning I feel good tho. Like the new day is here, until something, anything happens.

Yesterday I made a mistake on my painting and I shut down and went to bed early. I am tired of it being my go to.

My psychiatrist recommends exposure therapy? How does that work? I just force myself to not go to bed??