I have ghosted more people than I can count. I also have had shitty boundaries.
I'm working on apologizing to everyone I've hurt that I can still contact with. The first apology I did was quite shitty (and super close to my diagnosis; just a few days after I think.) And I'm considering redoing it. Going to talk to my therapist first.
Those people told me I ruined their lives. They think I don't regret what I did.
I don't care what they think of me. I care about their wellbeing.
They must be in so much pain and suffering from what they've told me. One said I was ripping his atoms apart day by day.
Will they get better? They were teenagers. I'm an adult. It wasn't right for us to be talking 7 days a week 12 hours a day. (I've stopped trying to relive the childhood I lacked. It's long gone now.)
I'm really scared I've traumatized them for life. That I've traumatized everyone I hurt in the past permanently.
I'm getting better. Medication, DBT, therapy. I've radically accepted and embraced this illness. It's part of who I am.
But the people I've hurt... fuck, I've even started praying for them.
I just want them to be okay.
I hope that they're okay.