TW : MENTION OF SUICIDE

We had been together for 4 years and those have been the best and worst years of my life. I was so happy and so sad with him. But I loved, and still love him to death, he is an amazing person.

We both had problems, with me having BPD and him having other mental health problems. And we never managed to get good for eachother, which eventually led to us breaking up. We both were toxic for eachother, with me probably being the worst.

At first I felt (of course) sad, empty, mad at myself and at him, guilty for hurting him (I still do). Everything felt like the world was falling apart and I thought I couldn't ever live without him. I attempted taking my own life and blocked all of my friends.

But today, I feel so much better. And I still love him, but I'm happy with just cherishing our happy memories and thanking destiny for having met such an amazing person. He will probably ever be the best person I could have known in this earth and I'm fine with not being with him. It's for the best, and I hope he will get better too.

Now I finally feel like doing things for myself, trying to get to understand who I am and getting better. And honestly, without the symptoms of BPD I experienced while being in a relationship with him, it feels so much easier.

I made this post to vent but also to maybe show some of you that things can get better even if right now you feel like you're at the worst you could get. And sometimes, even if it's very hard, you need to be alone to reach that point.

Good luck to everyone out there, we can do it, we can be better for ourselves and for the others. Love you all. 🫶