I can't let people in anymore. Not into my heart. I can talk to them. Bond with them. Share my stories, my trauma. Listen to theirs. Laugh, have fun. Hang out often. Learn things about them. And still nothing .still, if they left. I wouldn't care. I wouldn't be phased. Infact I've made so many friends that IVE disappeared on and it's so bad. I did end up letting one person in after 3 years, my ex, my FP. But he is very distant now and I am broken, not even over the breakup..cause I don't care about romance. Just the loss of how important I was to him, the way I was just as significant to him as he was to me. The way I was his favorite person as he was mine. And now I'm not anymore, even if we're still friends it's INSANELY painful going from him talking to me all day everyday and showering me with love and compliments to him texting me maybe once a week and he doesn't really compliment me anymore. I'm not even sure how my mind managed to let him in. But It did. And I allowed myself to be showered with love only for it to be taken away. And I think that only solidified my inability to connect with people now. I want to so badly. I wanna be able to connect with people. To feel something. But I can't. Not connected to anyone or anything, except my FP and it still hurts so bad but I can feel that connection and attachment slipping and I feel so empty and everything hurts. And if I lose my attachment to him I lose everything. I'll have nothing attaching me to this world anymore.