I got diagnosed with BPD last year, but I've had it for a while. Learning more about this illness has helped me understand why I feel the way I do.

I just wish I didn't have the stressful thoughts I experience when I am romantically interested in someone. It's like a flip switches and suddenly, I am a sunflower and they are my sun.

Then I wonder what they will think about everything i do and paranoia sets in. Next thing you know, I'm being mega annoying because I constantly need reassurance that I'm not being annoying and I want to know I'm still loved. I've chased away so many people for being too "intense" and it makes me feel really bad.

My hope is that one day my BPD will go into remission and I can be normal and not so lonely anymore.