I’m posting this here because I have nobody in my life that I can talk to about this without being institutionalized or called selfish. I just had a baby in January this year, and have little to no help with taking care of him - I am doing it all on my own.

My spouse passed away back in March 2021 and the man I was seeing after that/the father of my child wants nothing to do with me and I haven’t spoken to him since the end of last summer.

My now ex best friend came for about a week recently to help me with things and she ended up shaming me, talking very badly about me to others about my life when hers is no better, if not maybe even worst. Needless to say, we ended up arguing and she deleted me and hasn’t spoken to me since.

I have no other friends, and I don’t have much family. I’ve been praying to God each day that he please take me out of my suffering and pain that never seems to end even though I try so hard. My therapist isn’t very helpful, but I am trying since I’ve only had about 4 sessions now with her.

My heart is broken forever, it feels like. I don’t want to die. I just want things to be different. I wish I had a big family and lots of friends. I feel like having a baby was selfish. I don’t even have an appropriate support system, my support system is next to nobody. I can’t imagine a life without my little boy, I don’t want to not be considered enough when he’s the only thing keeping me alive at this point. They consider him a “protective factor” in my life, as he keeps me going each day when I want to end it all.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe someone with similar experience can reach out to me to let me know their story. Maybe I just need to know I’m not all alone in this. Thanks <3