I have been training jiu jitsu for six years and am a purple belt. I am burned out and don’t enjoy jiu jitsu like I use to. I noticed that everytime I go, I just don’t enjoy it and I actually start to dissociate at the gym and can’t focus. On top of that my dad has cancer and I also have some health issues and need additional checkup to make sure it’s not cancerous. I haven’t really told my jiu jitsu friends about this and just have not shown up to the gym. I notice how none of them check on me and it makes me question the friendship. I guess the friendship just stood on jiu jitsu and that was about it. It’s honestly sad because I would have been there for them out side of jiu jitsu, but literally bjj was the only thing they’d talk about and nothing more. So our friendship was based around that and only that.

I honestly don’t think I could talk to them about what’s been happening to me because I don’t even know if they could handle it. I also have been avoiding the gym because I don’t want to deal with this toxic female upper belt who are friends with my friends as well. There’s just been some betrayal I have experienced in bjj by women and I am just not sure how to handle this. I just feel alone and I don’t even know what to do.