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Lack of Intersectionality Between Kink and Sapphic Communities (Specifically Lesbians)?
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hello! so, i am currently searching for a domme and have been posting in various personals on reddit. i started a couple weeks ago by posting on bdsm and femdom personals. i found that i got a pretty reasonable amount of messages. some legitimate and others not! but i did notice a lot of downvotes. this was unsurprising to me, bc i’ve never found large online kink spaces to be very friendly towards sapphics but specifically women only seeking play with other women. this is particularly true for the femdom and ageplay online communities, where there is an abundance of cishet male subs.

so, i figured maybe posting on a lesbians personal page would bode more successful! my logic was, if there are sapphics dommes they would likely also be on lesbian r4r, (where kink seeking posts are allowed in the rules fyi). so, yesterday i posted the same ad, and was shocked to find that not only was i getting downvotes, i was getting WAY less responses. obviously gotta give it a couple days, but i got a staggering amount less. and frankly, it felt much more disheartening to get downvoted by fellow sapphics.

and this brings me to what i want to discuss, which is this lack of intersectionality in these two communities i consider myself a part of! does anyone else relate?

i cant say for sure why my post is being downvoted in lesbian r4r, but i do feel like it has to do with it’s sexual and kink oriented nature. it’s not super explicit and feel free to go look for it, it shouldn’t be far down. but i feel as if sometimes kink is looked down upon from the perspective of some sapphics! i could be totally wrong, but i struggle to find lesbian kinksters in the wild. lots of sapphics but not always lesbians. maybe i’m looking in the wrong places and i’m very happy to have just stumbled across this subreddit a couple day ago! but i think there may also be a lack of space made for sapphic and lesbian kinksters, in the kink community, as a whole. it’s not always so friendly for us.

there’s this failing to overlap at times, and it’s frustrating. i don’t just want kinky friends and i don’t just want sapphic friends. i want both! and i want to feel comfortable in these communities as someone who is a part of both of them!

does anyone have any thoughts on this? i’m super open minded, so let me know if you think i’m being overly dramatic about the lack of intersectionality. but i feel like my experience posting these ads has just been a reflection of what it’s like to be a kinky lesbian 😂 thanks for reading this far, especially bc it was all over the place haha. but i look forward to hearing thoughts!

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8 months ago