Alright so this isn't a well thought out written post, I just wanted to express this and ask questions and hear your opinions as I'm still learning... I'm fairly new to bdsm & discovery what I like & don't like. I'm a sub with serious brat tendencies. I was recently exploring this dynamic with a dom (just talking stage) & we got to where she would start using dominant phrases, telling me what to do, telling me not to talk back etc...it excited me, I liked it! but it ended bcuz i was to....difficult, & she ended up getting legit upset w me.

I somewhat enjoy giving authority figures a hard time. I've struggled with this since I was teen. I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, was kicked out of school 2x, in trouble w social services...amongst other things. It carried into my early 20's(I'm 31btw) & I got into constant fights physical & verbal throughout college. It was hard to hold onto relationships bcuz i was so problematic & wild. I've calmed down alot since then & I'm in therapy, but I think it still lingers a bit. I'm not trying to use it as an excuse(I'm sorry if it comes out that way), just wanted to maybe give some context.

Anyway...It's difficult bcuz I enjoy and get turned on by being told what to do(pet play as well), but at the same time i hate being told what to do & enjoy testing the limits. I want a dom, but I honestly don't want to waste anyone's time. So I guess I'm asking how are ways I can be a better sub/partner/serving my dom? I would want them to get something out of being w me & I honestly don't want to waste their time.Or maybe i should just stay away from relationships? Again, I'm new & learning all this stuff & that was my first experience w a dom so now I'm questioning......what is wrong w me lol. Thanks for reading all of that.