I am a 35-year-old submissive guy with some BDSM experience but relatively little relationship or vanilla sexual experience. I am looking for a relationship with a domme-leaning woman who is /- 7 years of my age.

A bit about me as a person: I recently graduated from law school and am hoping to pursue a career in public interest legal work — as a public defender, representing tenants in housing cases, or something of that sort. I long for community built around causes I believe in, such as abolishing police and mass incarceration, improving social services, and protecting reproductive rights. I am pretty far left on the political spectrum, and I don’t think I could have a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t at least to the left of the mainstream democratic party.

I am very close to my family. In my free time, I enjoy working out, playing with my nieces, and watching baseball. I like going to comedy shows and seeing movies in theaters. I’m trying to read more and watch less TV.

I currently live with my parents in northern New Jersey while I save money for an apartment. That has made dating a bit challenging. But I’ll be out on my own again in the next 2-4 months, and I’m going to remain in NJ (within a 30-minute drive of Newark) for at least the next year.

Kinks: I’m into pretty standard-fare BDSM stuff: bondage, sensory deprivation, light pain, spanking, dirty talk. I would love to improve my oral skills, so an interest in cunnilingus (and patient instruction 😊) is a plus. My biggest kinks are probably pegging and “forced” bi. So if you have a male friend who could join, that would also be a plus. I’m not into humiliation per se, but I like things that one might find humiliating. I prefer a sensual style of domination over the cartoonish humiliatrix stuff depicted in porn and in the spam posts that appear all too frequently on forums like this one.

If you’re looking for a relationship: Great; me too! To be frank, I’m a bit insecure about my lack of relationship experience. I know I can be a thoughtful, caring partner. But there are aspects of starting a relationship that I feel unprepared for. How much is too much texting? How do I show affection? Etc. I think open communication is key, hence this over-share of a personal ad.

If you’re looking for something casual: Cool! I’m not sure I know how to date or play casually, but I'm not opposed to the idea. Plus, this seems like the most likely avenue for bi play. Just be clear about your expectations and I’ll try to keep an open mind. Again, communication is key.

If you’re looking for a service sub or pay pig: That shit is exploitative and gross. Stop it.

I'm not interested in an online relationship without the possibility of regular in-person meet-ups. Send me a message if you’re in the NJ/NY area and you think we might get along. Please make an effort to describe yourself beyond your age and location, as I have done here. One-line messages and chat requests will be ignored. I’d like to exchange pictures within the first few messages to ensure there’s mutual attraction. Good luck finding whatever you are looking for.