[Edit: If this post is still up, I’m still searching]

Right. So this is going to be LONG. If you have the patience for this, you’ll have already crossed the first barrier, so, godspeed. ;p I’ve decided to create bullet points, so you can choose to read what is most important to you first, though I’d suggest you go through the whole thing.. unless you don’t mind a broken flow in your read.

MEET… LITTLE OL’ ME

To start off, let’s establish that like every other person in the world, I too, am a complicated creature. But if you like puzzles, you might be in for a ride. I tend to find ways to allow two extreme sides to exist in me at the same time. It keeps things interesting in my head - after all, I do like to keep myself entertained. But fair warning, I can be quite annoying. And, quite quiiiiite basic. I know nothing about nothing, so you should probably know that right off the bat too.

Speaking of basics… I’m a 29-year-old Indian girl living in Bombay. I write for a living (that should explain why everything I post here ends up being a whole 1200-word unedited article), and I’m intentionally ambiguous about sharing too many identity details. At work and in life, I’m ambitious, assertive, sometimes sassy but mostly sweet and nice. I have a dark dry sense of humour, so if you have dead baby jokes, please, bring them on! I’m heterosexual, I have a cat, and I do not want kids.

Physically, I’m a chubby plus sized girl, so if you’re not into… ack I hate the term but.. BBWs, you might want to stop reading here. I do have really fun tits though, if that holds your interest.

MEET… THE DEMONS IN MY HEAD

Hmm this right here feels like a good spot to pull a 180 on you - after all, I did promise you a ride. Let’s go down the ‘hills’ winks and take a deep dive into mental health, shall we? I’d been diagnosed with anxiety and depression many years ago, and I’ve been dealing with those for almost as long as I can remember. I have plenty of insecurities - including body image issues - and I work through them everyday. I do have a need for validation, for praise, and I’m hyper aware of a lack of confidence right now. I only mention all these because they do come into play in the context of D/s, and where I am in my BDSM journey at this point.

MEET… THE SUB

Talking about my BDSM journey.. I’ve identified as a sub for 12 years now, but in many ways, I’m as inexperienced as someone very new to the lifestyle. I haven’t been owned yet, nor have I submitted to someone in the true sense of the word. The two long term BDSM equations I’ve had IRL, the first was with a fake Dom, the next was with a switch. Neither put me in a place where I wanted to truly.. submit, so I couldn’t, no matter how badly I wanted to be made to submit.

BDSM is more in the head for me, it’s so much more mental than it is physical. I like to define it as a mind game involving power play that manifests itself in the form of sex. I’m new to Reddit (tbh, being this late to the party might just become one of my biggest regrets), and I’m discovering a whole new world, and perhaps discovering myself in a new way again too. I already knew all the terms - sub, slave, little, brat - but it feels like I’m just beginning to learn about what they actually mean, and how these dynamics function. I don’t know yet which of these terms I fall under in what percentages, but I do know it’s a combination. For now though, I think it’d be safer just to categorize myself as a sub. With a disclaimer of: who is trying to decipher if she’s a brat or a subslave.

MEET… MY KINK LIST AND MY LIMITS

I’m going to keep this part short, so if you want to know more, you’ll have to hit me up.

Overall, I’d put down a short list of exhibitionism, power play, spanking, humiliation and degradation, praise, being owned, anal, etc. In purely virtual settings and only as a fantasy that is whispered in my ear, at least for now, I’m also into the idea of being owned enough to be shared, eventually. What I need IRL is very different from what I need to stay interested online, so I kind of need someone who fits both sets of requirements.

My limits - the ones I know of till now at least - are age play, class play, psychological sadism or mental attacks, incest, impregnation, breeding, cheating, fire play, needle play, fisting, bestiality, pet play, scat, CNC. Not much into roleplay, more into sexting in an online setting. Toxic is my dealbreaker, both in kink and in life.

AND FINALLY, MEET… WELL, IS THIS YOU?

I’m essentially seeking a very natural power imbalance, one we don’t have to force. I need someone who knows what he wants, and who never does anything out of obligation, but only because he wants to. I also need someone who’s ultra willing to indulge me as I find my way around this, and find out more about who I am. Most importantly, I need to know for a fact that you want me, and you want to present me with your ownership, or I’m useless.

I like men who text a lot, and text first, because I tend to suck at that. Not clingy Doms, but… invested, not aloof. Emotional availability is a big requirement for me, as is the idea of having no boundaries to where this could go.

I’m seeking something long-term, IRL and hopefully, eventually, permanent. I want to exclusively date among men who identify as Doms till I find the one that ticks all my boxes. What can I say, I’m a greedy girl. I want, for lack of better references, the white picket fence and the red room of pain. I do have a physical type that I’m attracted to and a physical type that just does not work for me, but we can figure the details. Nothing’s more important than your brain, and the connection we feel. Everything else is just another logistical challenge that needs to be dealt with.

Some non-negotiables… I’m not looking for anyone younger than.. 27, or older than say 37. I also obviously need you to be single and unattached. I’d prefer if you were Indian, though that’s purely for the convenience of location. And I’m looking for experienced Doms.

AN ONLINE ALTERNATIVE?

In case you don’t quite fit the bill geographically and would only be able to get in touch for something online, I’m… looking for guinea pigs to help me figure out if I am in fact a brat or not. Or, basically, Doms who are willing to assist this weird experienced newbie hybrid sort her brain out. If you’re looking to just sext though, you should definitely scroll past this post. Sex is boring without.. a dynamic. And you’ve got to build a dynamic.

I’m also looking for help to navigate this world. Any help, guidance, opinion, even just a quick piece of advice, anything that comes to your mind really, is more than welcomed, it’s encouraged.

Well, I guess that’s it, I can’t really write anymore about myself. So if I’ve still held your attention, or piqued your intrigue.. hit me up!

I hope to see you on the other side xx

P.S: I… can be a lot of work. You’re going to need to be.. ready to put up with me.