Do you identify as Aragorn or Harvey Specter? Then I might identify as yours. ;)

Please note: I'm looking for a partner - not flings. Please go ahead and find easier prey if you respond to a 1.2k word essay with "hi" and no image.

I’m not sure how successful it’ll be for me to write a post here; or how justified I am to even try. I’ve always proven to be “too much” for my past partners. Each of them tried in their own way. Some didn’t manage to live up to be the Dominant they promised to be, and I had too much authority for them; Or they were too consumed with their own lives to offer the support I required.

I’ve spent years trying to bend over backwards and artificially make myself smaller for partners, in desperate attempts to give them some success so they might grow in their confidence and presence. Spoiler alert: It didn’t work. So, here I am. I don’t hold it against them, mind you. My situation and personality aren’t easy to handle. But really, I’m just a sub that craves to give in to authentic authority.

Let me begin with the most defining aspect of my life: I’ve lived with debilitating chronic pain for 21 years. (Started at age 5, only stopped one year ago at age 26.) No doctors could help me; I spent two decades as a medical guinea pig in search for pain relief. I held on with fleeting entertainment and tried to make my miserable existence more fulfilling with fantasies of a D/s relationship or hobbies, pets and art. With a life dominated by pain (no pun intended), I was bedridden, on meds, and just waiting for life to either end or to get better.

One year ago, it finally got better.

I was suddenly left by my narcissistic boyfriend of 4 years (he had only held on due to a guilty conscience from seeing how badly I was doing health-wise), and have since been in weekly therapy while trying to teach myself how to “human” alone, out of nowhere. I’d describe it as having been in a coma for 21 years and waking up to a new world. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. I have so many things I’d like to experience. And I don’t want to do it alone.

While I do have an education, I was never able to keep any job for very long due to my health. That will likely never change. I am hoping to turn my creativity into a source of income. I have a solid social media following in cosplay and costuming, but never dared to try monetization via Patreon, begin streaming or selling my art (physically/ prints/props). Perhaps you could take me by the hand and encourage me to make my first steps into financial income. Perhaps you could even be my manager, so to speak? Let me handle the art, while you handle the business of it all? Ah, wishful thinking…

My vanilla interests include LARP, cosplay, written roleplay, casual gaming (Warframe, Ark, Monster Hunter World, RDR2, Raft), movies (though no horror unless you can babysit me for 3 months straight!), audiobooks, my cat and a newly purchased motorcycle which I've been cruising around on for a few days, now! I live in the country famous for mountains, chocolate and expensive watches – and I can’t wait to explore its roads on two wheels.

As for my personality; I often get mistaken for a Dom type in the way I present myself. I’m witty and intelligent, love banter and teasing challenges. If you care for personality types, I’m an Aries and ENFP (perhaps INPF? I never know, given how much change I’m currently going through). My attachment style is somewhere between anxious and fearful-avoidant. I don’t allow myself to get attached to people easily, but when I do, I struggle with separation anxiety and abandonment issues (which had been systematically used against me in the past for cruel control). But I’m diligently working through these hiccups with my therapist. I promise.

Physically, I’m 1.53m (5ft 0in) tall and like to describe my body type as “soft athletic”. I put on muscle easily, but it comes and goes in 6-months-spurts of motivation. My partners never managed to keep up with their own fitness, which hindered my own desire to keep up the work.My hair is buzzed short on the sides and spiked up with dyed white tips on the top; my eyes are blue-green and have two freckles in the iris which people often think are pretty cool.

Still with me? I hope so.

My post title mentions soft Dom/Daddy, not because I fear stronger authority in Dominants; but rather because they’ve proven to be brutes in the past. If you capture my mind, I will yield easily. Dominance doesn’t always have to be loud or forceful. Harvey Specter is a charming comparison I just had to think of. But… perhaps a little less cruel/untouchable than him? Aragorn is another lovely example.

With my future partner, I would wish for someone financially stable. I will likely never be able to contribute a lot financially. As much as that hurts my ego; it’s my reality given my health and history. Someone around my age, ideally older but not surpassing 10 years. Either partaking in my interests or with a healthy tolerance to let me enjoy them and listen to my rambles. Definitely taller than me, though that’ll be easy! (I’m tiny. Be taller.) Ideally toned/muscular and not with too much body hair (beards are fine, chest not too much). Childless and not interested in having children. (Breeding is desired; impreg not, haha.) You’ll get bonus points for martial arts skills to either share with me as a hobby, or to use against me in play-fights.

I’m very attentive. I have high empathy and pick up on tiny cues. A shift of balance, change of pitch, the twitch of a finger or a particular look. If attuned to you, I’ll be easy to lead and eager to please. If I resist or brat, I am likely struggling with shyness and need more of your authority so I can settle down my thoughts and give in. I’ll admit; I can be a brat that will twist and turn in witty ways to get out of the vulnerable position of submission. But, ultimately, that’s what I crave. That’s when the deeply hidden little side shines through; buried so deeply that I slip into petspace since it’s easier to excuse an animal to be submissive rather than a human. (In my mind.)

However, I’m not only little. Some of my kinks can reach pretty far into edge territory (of course minding RACK, SSC and enthusiastic consent). I’m happy to dive into these topics further if the other aspects of our lives overlap enough to consider a partnership.

If you feel like reaching out via DM or chat here on Reddit, please be so kind and add a picture (or several). Yes, there is more to attraction than visual aspects; but I’ve had my share of being “catfished” and have had enough heartache from it. I will be able to share pictures and videos (SFW) immediately, too.

You’ll likely notice I’ve hidden key information within the post. I trust that, if you reach out, you’ll have had the patience to read through everything carefully. Life with me will require patience and attentiveness. If this message was too much, you’re free to move on to easier prey. Had I mentioned I like challenges?