If you're not prepared to watch the Princess Bride with me, if that quote in the title didn't make you laugh, I'm sorry. We will not be moving forward with your application. Please, have a complimentary snack on your way out.

I'm looking for long term. Not because I'm a witch with an extended lifespan! Because I'm looking for a serious romance. I want to be in love. If you're just looking for fuck, feel free to respond anyway. I still fuck, but most of this post is going to be given over to not-fuck things. A list of sexthings I like is not, frankly, very compelling. There are countless posts with just fuckfacts that I am trying to outcompete. Segue to the next paragraph at any time, Warthog.

I'm 28. It says that in the title. I'm trans. It says that in the title. I'm a genderfluid Daddy Domme. I've got a pretty big cock for a girl. I like it. I'm keeping it. It's mine. I've got a beard. I look like a dude, except for when I choose not to. It's arbitrary. I don't care about pronouns. I don't use they. Who cares. They're my pronouns and I'm in charge of how much they don't fucking matter. I'm not Mommy, that's the extent of whatever. I'm not a witch. It says that in the title.

I quote movies quite a lot. I like to repurpose quotes for new punchlines. The line already exists, I don't have to invent the wheel. I've seen the movie, you've seen the movie. That bond already exists, and can be strengthened by the new joke I've just told which also has the added benefit of leading you to the correct conclusion: that I am very funny.

I'm also just astonishingly smart. That's an humble way to start a paragraph, right? But the point of this post is to convince you to risk falling in love with me. And let's be honest, this is already a long post. I don't have time to fuck around with language and poetry and unnecessary asides. You've probably already given up on reading this. You're closing the tab. But at least you know I'm smart and funny.

Real quick, to wake you back up, here we go with sex stuff. I'm a Daddy Domme, which you remember from earlier. I do Daddy things. I do Domme things. I like light ageplay, anal, bondage, breeding, electrostim, impact, spit, piss, fucking hotwives. I feel bad burying it this deep in the post but if you're not a cuckquean, sorry to have wasted your time. You can call me a witch for that one. I already know I like fucking women who aren't you, I wouldn't anticipate that changing. Anyway!

What's next? I listen to a lot of music. No. Strike that. I listen to music often. I sometimes don't change my Pandora station for weeks at a time. I would say I like a variety of music, and that would almost be true. I like artists from disparate swaths of the musical whatever. But if somebody asked me what genres I like I would make a not very flattering face. A grimace, I suppose. I would probably hit skip least on a station based on punk music from the 80s and 90s.

I dunno, man. This is getting pretty long. I'm gonna talk about you, now, if you don't mind. Historically, I've had great success with bi women. If you get the choice, choose bi. That would work for me. Communists are the ideal, but in this economy I can settle for a socialist. Can't afford to be picky. Please be funny and smart. I highlighted highlit? highlighted those attributes in myself because they're important to who I am. I really can't connect with somebody who doesn't have those traits. Exhibitionism is strongly encouraged. I know I said breeding up there but that's just a silly roleplay thing. I'm staunchly childfree. I don't even want to know children. If I can convince myself that children aren't real, it's easier to not be weird about the ageplay thing tbh. I dunno though I could be into puppy play and like, dogs are real. So you can have a dog, but not a kid, I guess is the long and short of that. Remember earlier when I was pretending not to do unnecessary asides? That was a good joke. Hey listen: This has been fun. If you want to do this again, but with more of you talking, send a message a message a message with your favorite album as the title. You're gonna say "I don't have a favorite album but I really like this whatever" and that's excellent. Hell yeah. Go for it. Don't send a chat, I simply refuse to see it.

Anyway It's 9 and I have to take my meds. Goodbye forever!