Right off the bat - I'm mainly looking for something long-term and/or serious - a true ownership connection with someone special. I have had some fun adventures in the last ten years, but I'm pretty much exclusively looking for forever people at this point - both romantically and in my social life more broadly.

The physical stuff first - Early Thirties, tall, (6'3"), Caucasian, blonde hair, currently short. (Until recently I had two feet of hair, but I just donated it! I might not ever grow it out that long again. It's at that odd length where it sticks out right now.) I'm not classically handsome, but I'm not ugly either. I stay very physically active - I run about 50 miles a week, rock climb, canoe, hike frequently, and so forth. I'm interested in folks who similarly care about their body and their health!

I spent about a decade in tech, and had the means to retire after my first company went public, but I've instead taken a rather relaxed government job in an area I am quite passionate about for the next couple years while I plot out my next move (and to give me the time to put down some roots in other ways, like searching for partners). I have done well in both my past and current career but tend not to be orientated towards money or status; rather I like situations where I can take ownership of a problem I care about and work it creatively. I'd like my next career step to be into a role where I can do something to safeguard democratic government (horrifying that such a thing even needs to be said) but am still working out exactly what that is.

I have a lot of hobbies in addition to the physical stuff above - I read a ton, I make my own furniture, I write - but my real hobby is spending time with my friends. I've built up a rich community of people I love and who have stood by me, and I tend to be doing something social most evenings, either a potluck or, my preference, something small or 1-on-1, which I love because it's the best way to get deep with someone. I think the two words my friends might use to describe me would be "goofy" and "serious"; I just think you need to have a bright outlook on dark things.

Something I'm looking for in a partner is a person who I can help grow... or maybe corrupt. They're two sides of the same coin, don't you agree? Really, as I'm looking for lifelong partners, you could say I'm looking for someone to grow into, and vice versa. I think the best thing any two people can do for each other is to push one another to be their best selves - either explicitly or bringing energy to each other. Part of that is having an optimistic, loving, open attitude, but a big part of that is being able to offer each other novel perspectives.

That feeds a little bit into my feelings about kink. There are some for whom Dominance and submission are a sort of act for the bedroom, and I won't judge that, but for me it's about trust, and responsibility, and belonging more deeply. I generally like to think of kink as just another way to be myself, and to live the values I want to embody.

Like - as Dom, but also as a person, it's important to me to be someone who provides and protects and guides and helps to grow; who is a safe harbor and a source of wisdom and knowledge and direction, and of support and praise. And in turn, the ability to assert my own desires, to prioritize myself and what I want, to love myself enough to allow myself to make myself the center of a moment, if it is deserved.

That's true in kink but I also strive to make it true in my job, in my friendships, etc - obviously always imperfectly, but imperfection is life.

I will say I'm interested in someone who is able to think critically about what submission means to them, what they want out of it, what their duties rightfully are - who can be philosophical and self-examining and not follow some established script. At the end of the day I want a dynamic with a person, with a soul, with a psychology, not just some sort of kinky box-checking. Real ownership is in the mind - I'd rather control you with praise and the occasional harsh word than with whips or chains. (That being said, I do have, on the technical side, significant experience with rope, impact play, choking, and am experienced in keeping my partners safe)

More generally on the sex front... you should know I have an enormous love of being fellated. There is nothing, nothing as hot to me as an enthusiastic blowjob from someone who really revels in in. When it comes to penetrative sex, I don't tend to cum very easily, which past partners have been divided on - some have been annoyed, where others have appreciated my stamina. I do have a pretty high sex drive; if it were logistically feasible, I'd probably want to have some sort of sex daily.

Last up: For the last ten years or so I've been polyamorous, sometimes dating multiple people simultaneously, sometimes just one, sometimes single, and currently in one longer relationship with a really wonderful lady I'd be happy to tell you more about. I'm wrestling a lot with the 'Poly' label recently; I think the poly community has been a poor place to find forever partners, but I do really identify with polyamory/non-monogamy because I have really reveled in deconstructing the script on what a relationship is supposed to be according to mainstream society, and pursuing authentic connection.

Other quick fun-facts: don't drink, only just this year got my drivers license, punched a bear when I was seven (don't recommend), play strategy games, live on my own, once got an engineering job by ranting about tariffs, build software for local businesses and non-profits pro-bono, dream of owning a home with a big woodworking shop / craft shop.

I'm an open book - please feel free to ask me anything. Communication and directness are sexy. Message me!