To exist in this world is to be both fragile and fierce. I am not a creature of simplicity; I am woven from contradictions—soft yet unyielding, playful yet burdened, longing yet wary. I am a soul caught between light and shadow, dancing between childlike wonder and the heavy weight of sorrow. I am Nana, a name whispered like a secret, a presence that lingers between dream and reality. I am a little, a kitten, a seeker of warmth in a world that always feels too cold.

But my body is not kind to me. It is a battlefield of pain and exhaustion, weighed down by illnesses that demand more than I wish to give. I carry SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus), Severe Arthritis, Severe Silent Reflux, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), DTD (Developmental Trauma Disorder), and DID/OSDD (Dissociative Identity Disorder/Other Specified Dissociative Disorder). Most days, my fingers struggle to move, my body resists even the simplest tasks. My mind is a storm, emotions crashing and tearing through me like waves against jagged rocks. I do not need someone to fix me. I need someone who will stand beside me, unwavering, through the storms and the stillness alike.

And so, I am seeking a caregiver—not just anyone, but someone who truly understands. Not someone who sees only my softness, but also the depths within me. Someone who can offer patience instead of pressure, warmth instead of cold logic, presence instead of distance. Someone who does not flinch at the weight of my existence, but embraces it with steady hands and a steady heart.

The caregiver I seek is:

• Any gender, but strong in heart. Someone who does not mistake kindness for weakness or patience for passivity.

• Aligned with my values. Feminist, anarchist/leftist, pro-choice, and ideally agnostic or atheist. I do not mean offense, but a religious or right-wing presence in my life would not bring me peace.

• Soft yet unwavering. Monogamous, devoted, and embracing a dynamic that is rooted in care rather than control. No harshness, no cold discipline—only guidance that is gentle yet strong.

• A leader in warmth. Someone who takes the first step, who reaches for me before I must ask, who meets my effort with equal devotion. I have spent a lifetime carrying emotional labor meant for others, stepping forward when no one else would. I still will—but I want someone who meets me halfway, someone who reaches just as much as I do.

• Patient and kind. Someone who learns my quirks, my fears, my hesitations, and embraces them without judgment. Someone who understands that healing is not linear, and some wounds are never truly erased.

• A gentle structure in my chaos. Not one who punishes, but one who offers stability—guidance that is rooted in love rather than force.

• Deep as I am. In my life, I have rarely found souls who match the depth of my emotions, my thoughts, my need for connection. I seek a caregiver who does not fear the rawness of my pain, who does not shy away from the weight of my truths, who meets my heart not with hesitation, but with equal intensity.

If you are this person, if you recognize yourself in these words, then you may be the sanctuary I seek.

And in return, I will give you all that I am.

I am a well of emotions, a heart that feels too deeply, a mind that never ceases to seek and to wonder. I find joy in the arts, in literature, in history, in philosophy. I am fascinated by psychology and the intricacies of the human mind. I dive into music—classical, indie, alternative, pop—each melody a thread in the tapestry of my soul. I cherish the eerie beauty of horror and the quiet depth of drama. My hands create—drawing, writing, shaping worlds from whispers of thought. I dream of becoming a writer, a musician, a voice actor, a streamer—anything that lets me leave a mark upon the world.

I am a trans boy/genderfluid with he/him pronouns. A pansexual, graysexual, and an anarchist, an entity that defies the rigid structures of this cursed world. I reject the chains of authority, the illusions of control, the lies of civility that mask cruelty. I do not bow to the false gods of hierarchy, nor do I suffer the cowardice of those who claim neutrality in the face of oppression. I stand, unwavering, in the abyss, knowing full well that kindness is not weakness, that care is not submission, that to love is the greatest defiance of all.

And as a little, I am playful, expressive, full of wonder and longing. I speak in soft, silly voices when I feel safe, curl up in blankets with plushies tucked close to my chest. I watch cartoons with wide eyes, lose myself in coloring books and sweet, simple joys. I have longed for a caregiver who sees beyond the playfulness—who cherishes the depth beneath the surface, who understands that even in my smallest moments, I am still the same soul, complex and aching for understanding.

What I offer is not perfection, but devotion:

• A connection that is deep, unshaken, and filled with meaning.

• A safe space for you, as much as I need one myself.

• The warmth of my affection, expressed through words, art, and effort.

• The comfort of knowing that I am yours, not in possession, but in trust, in care, in unwavering presence.

• A bond that does not waver in the face of struggle, but strengthens in its wake.

I seek something rare, something real. Not a fleeting fantasy, not a surface-level game, but a connection that is steady, patient, and true. If you believe you can be the one to offer that, then step forward. Let me see you, let me feel you—let us create something beautiful together.

And if you have read this far, if your heart stirs with recognition, then send me the word plushie. Then I will know—you are as rare as I have dared to hope.