It's something that I wish had been explained to me when I was younger - finding and knowing oneself is a rite of passage in life that can come early (if you're lucky), or later for a variety of reasons. Repression, societal constructs, guilt, lack of knowledge or experience or a host of other things that just hold people back. I think you can only truly be happy in life if you've come to terms with yourself and what you like to be and do. The hoards of people I have spoken to over the years that are stuck in lifeless marriage, or hamstrung by overbearing parents, or simply fear giving in to their impulses and desires... it's just sad. You all deserve to explore yourself without feeling like you shouldn't.

I knew who I was early in life. I had experienced sex early, too early, and had also been exposed to power dynamics etc. It shaped me into a hedonistic, power hungry and selfish person. Someone who'd use people, abuse people and not care who got trampled over on the way. I would love to tell you that I changed as I got older... but that would be a lie - simply, I love to have control and power over someone. The only difference from the younger me is that I pick and choose who I target, hence posting here rather than hurting someone who isn't aware of the real me before it's too late. That's why I wish I'd known who I was earlier, as I could have saved a lot of good people being caught in my slipstream of bullshit.

I'm probably sociopathic (undiagnosed, because I don't need nor want to know). I'm definitely someone who is on the spectrum. I'm absolutely a product of my early environment, where my worst tendencies were exacerbated and refined by experiences. I'm telling you all that to let you know that I'm not a joke. I will likely hurt you. I am dangerous and can be cruel.

Conversely, I'm also capable of being a ray of fucking sunshine. I'll make you laugh and love me. I'll charm you and worm my way into your brain. It's a skill honed over many years to entrap and snare women that I wanted. I'm smart, witty and engaging. I can become obsessed. I will smother you if I want you badly, and for the right person it's like a drug for me.

That's me.

What I want is a girl that is the opposite side of me. Hopefully someone that has discovered themselves already and have walked the path like me - but if you're new to this or want to try it, then I'm glad you're taking that step.
A girl that needs the darkness I can provide. One that thrives on abuse and the fucked up nature of a relationship formed of trauma. Damaged. Pained. A lack of self esteem or worth that can only be sated by the pain handed out by someone they care about.
I want them to love and want me despite my problems. To care for me because I'm a mess. To crave my attention in whatever form I choose to give it. I won't lie to you - I'm abusive in every way and will want to push limits and make you suffer, just for me.

I'm looking for online or in person; either is fine as long as you're the kind of person that can catch my eye and keep my gaze. I want to find a mirror in you and see a better me reflected - one that you struggle to pull out of me. It's unlikely, but some have managed to make me care over the years, and I loved it. I avoid it usually because of my issues, but when I can give myself.... it's the greatest feeling.

I know it's a lot. I know there's likely a host of people that close this and say "well, that's a fucked up thing and I'm going nowhere near it". But I hope that there's someone that sees it and the lightbulb goes off in their head. If you did a "that's me! And I want a man like you..." then fucking message me with something meaty to consume. I won't bite, I will try to talk your head off. And hopefully there'll be something there to bring catharsis to us both...