I am a 37-year-old submissive guy with some BDSM experience but next to zero relationship or vanilla sexual experience. I moved to Philadelphia a little over a year ago and am looking to date and meet people. The apps are worse than I remember them. And I recently had a not-so-good experience on a certain kink-oriented social networking site, so I'm giving Reddit personals another shot.

A bit about me as a person: I’m a compassionate, bookish homebody. I’m also an anxious person, despite my best efforts to be chill, and I’ve had multiple people describe me as “earnest.” (How embarrassing.) I look for meaning in small pleasures — coffee, a walk in a park, dogs — and in relationships, especially with my family. I long for community built around causes I believe in, such as abolishing police and mass incarceration, improving social services, and mutual aid. I am pretty far left on the political spectrum, and I don’t think I could have a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t at least to the left of the mainstream democratic party. In my free time, I enjoy working out, visiting new coffee shops around the city, and watching baseball.

Physically, I'm 5'8 and about 150 pounds, with a shaved head and a beard. I think I'm reasonably attractive. (Happy to share pictures over DM.)

Kinks: I think a laundry list of kinks can take some of the fun out of BDSM. But in the interest of gauging compatibility, I’m into pretty standard-fare BDSM stuff: bondage, sensory deprivation, light pain, tease/denial, impact play, dirty talk. Because I don’t have a ton of sexual experience — and because I am naturally a slut :P — I really enjoy being objectified and feeling dirty. A lot of my kink interests stem from this desire. I’m heteroflexible, meaning I am exclusively interested in women romantically, but I am willing to partake in some sexual activities with men, particularly in a D/s context. In fact, I would say bi play — quote-unquote forced bi — is one of my main kink interests. To the extent I have vanilla experience, I think I’m a giving lover and prioritize my partner’s pleasure over my own. I’m happy to get into more specifics over messages.

What I’m looking for: Ultimately, I’d like to find a lifelong relationship with a domme-leaning woman who is /- 8 years of my age. I’m open to more casual dynamics too. I am not interested in online play, however.

And this should go without saying, but apparently it needs to be said: I am not interested in paying to play. I support sex workers and have had several great experiences with professional dommes. But it is extremely distasteful to reply to a personal ad with an offer of paid services. This is not a request for solicitations!

Messages and Logistics: Please make an effort to describe yourself beyond your age and location, as I have done here. One-line messages and chat requests will be ignored. I’d like to exchange pictures within the first few messages to ensure there’s mutual attraction.

I live alone near Rittenhouse Square. I’m willing to travel a bit, but I don’t have a car, so meeting outside the city is a tough ask. I’d consider it for the right person though.

Good luck finding whatever you are looking for.