[Throwaway account, hence the lack of history]

Short version: I'm super inexpirienced, pretty much a virgin, and even have some issues regarding vanilla sex. But I would love to try some BDSM things and am looking for the other part here. I'm a switch/(pleasure) dom as far as I can tell.

Longer version:

I'm a 31 year old man with insanely little general experience for his age. I have zero experience with anything BDSM, and almost zero experience even with normal sexual things. Why? Well, for most of my life I have suffered from social anxiety, and especially a fear of physical contact/being touched. It has gotten much, much better already over the years, so don't worry. I can enjoy hugging people, cuddling and light kissing by now, but only while dressed. I also don't have any general anxiety around people any more, it has been a while. But sex is still way too much for me. My biggest problem nowadays is the feeling of skin on skin, for some reason I can't handle that. It gives me a sort of sensory overload which is very uncomfortable. So obviously that makes classic vanilla sex pretty much impossible for me. I don't know why I have this problem, it has just always been there. I'm not traumatized in any way though.

Aside from that, I always had an interest in certain BDSM practices, at least liked to phantasize about it. But I always thought I would never be able to try those things anyway, when I can't even have normal sex. But recently I thought, why not start with the kinky stuff first? It may sound ridiculous and counterintuitive for most people - being scared of vanilla sex, but open for BDSM, but for me it makes perfect sense:

BDSM is playful, abstract, there often are specific rules, almost like a script. All those things would make it MUCH easier for me compared to regular sex. But most importantly: There are a lot of things you can do that don't involve any direct skin-to-skin contact. There would always be a whip or a toy between us. So I'm almost certain I could enjoy it without triggering my usual issues, and would love to test this theory. If only I had anyone to try things with.

About me: I'm 1,77m tall, weigh around 63kg, dark blue eyes, brown hair. I'm pretty skinny, rather light skin tone, wear glasses. Generally more of a nerdy look. So if you are into really masculine men I will probably not be your type. I wouldn't say I'm ugly though, just maybe a bit different from most men my age, especially because of my slender physique. Maybe almost a bit boyish for my age. For reasons stated above I don't have a ton of life experience, especially in interpersonal things, so I may still be slightly socially awkward. Not too bad though. I'm pretty introverted, a calm and quiet guy that rather stays at home watching a movie than go out to a party or something like that. I live alone, am single and have a stable job in case any of that matters. Because of my own problems I am very tolerant towards other people's (mental) issues.

About kinky me: Well, as I've said before, I have never tried anything kinky ever before. So I cannot guarantee with 100% certainty that I will like anything we might try. I can't promise anything. But I'm relatively sure that I will like at least certain things, it might be a bit of trial and error for me. The things I would like to try the most include spanking/whipping/other things pain, but also things like orgasm control/forced orgasms/overstimulation. For the pain stuff I would definitely like to try both sides, so you could call me a switch here I guess. For the sexual stuff I would only want to take the active part, at least at first. And only using toys, as I can't sexually interact with someone the regular way. I do have some other kinks as well, but those are the main things I'm into. There probably are many more things I might like, I'm theoretically open to try all sorts of stuff. I'm new to this, and still have to learn a lot of the terms. But I will not kinkshame anyone, so please feel free to suggest different things or ask me about other kinks. The worst I can say is no, right? My only definitive limits are toilet stuff and anything illegal or public.

Generally I would say my kinks seem to be motivated more by a kind of voyeurism than by power dynamics or something like that. Seeing the other person react to things I do to them, both pain and pleasure, is what would turn me on. It's not so much about things like power or humiliation for me, although I may have slightly sadistic tendencies. I'm not at all dominant or even violent in everyday life, anything but, so generally I would like to have a connection based on equality, mutual respect and trust. Just because the power dynamics during kinky plays may be one sided, doesn't mean we can't treat each other nicely while we aren't playing.

My own sexual pleasure is not important to me at all, and obviously a lot of the more standard/vanilla sexual practices are not possible for me, at least not yet, if ever.

Who am I looking for?

• I'm kind of bisexual, but heavily leaning towards women or female-ish and non binary people at the moment. You don't have to identify as a woman though, or be a "typical" one. Not at all. I'm very much open for all sorts of identities, but just keep in mind that I do have preferences. When in doubt, just ask me. I won't discriminate anyone.
• Ideally you would be roughly my age, but that's not a must as long as you're of legal age (obviously) and maybe not WAY older than me.
• Your experience level doesn't really matter to me. From a more experienced person I could learn, and if I met an also inexperienced one we could go our first steps together. Both sounds good to me.
• I'm looking for someone to meet in real life, nothing online. Of course we should get to know each other by chatting, phone calls, etc. first, but my goal clearly is to make real life experiences within a foreseeable time. I live in the west of Germany, pretty close to parts of the Netherlands and Belgium. Someone from roughly that region would be ideal, anything within a few hours drive. But again, that's not a priority if everything else fits.
• I might need a few attempts for certain things, and probably can't go too far the first few times. So ideally I would find someone I can meet somewhat regularly with. But honestly, I'm happy about every bit of experience I can make. So if it turns out to be a one-time thing in the end, so be it.

So, I know my post is probably a bit different from the others here, maybe a bit too specific, but I think it's worth a try. If you are interested or even just a little curious to learn more about me, feel free to message me. I will happily answer any questions you may have, and explain my situation in more detail if needed. We can talk about the details as openly as you want, that's not a problem for me. I will try to reply to every message I might get, but it might take a day or so, because I work a lot.

I hope someone actually read all that.