As soon as I get to know and trust anyone, any sort of sexual feelings towards them disappears. I have a lot of childhood SA trauma and this is part of how it manifests in my adult life.

I’ve hurt a couple guys I’ve loved because of this so I wanted to be upfront about it. I also haven’t tried having anything close to a normal relationship for about 3 years now and it’s just so lonely.

Ironically I’m a borderline hyper sexual person (my therapist says this is likely attributed to past trauma as well) but I try to limit myself to hooking up with new tinder “dates” to only a few times a month tops. More so out of personal health and safety concerns than anything else. Oh and the fact that whenever any guy becomes like a regular thing, they always start yapping and ruin it for me.

So if I haven’t completely lost your interest yet, let me tell you the normal stuff about me lol. My name’s Leah, I’m borderline a gym addict living in nyc, majored and now work in Human Resources. About 60% of work is remote which is deal huge for me. I love going anywhere that has a nice beach. Actually I just love going pretty much anywhere like I LOVE to travel and explore new places. I’m not as huge into parties and clubs as I used to be but still like to go out occasionally.

Anyways back to my insanity, what I really want is a relationship that’s essentially open on my end (all with transparency and your consent) but still monogamous on yours. This doesn’t mean we’ll never be sexually intimate with just each other, just that it’s more of a chore than it will be fun. And may also take a while to get to that level of commitment… I honestly have no clue but worst case like if it’s like your birthday or something I can just drink a lot beforehand lol. Tbh I’m not even sure if I’m capable of change but I really want to be normal