Happy New Year to all of you out there! Like an awful lot of others, I’m taking a look at my life. I’ve figured out over the past 32 years that I’m not going to get to the gym, I probably won’t read any more books, I won’t drink less coffee or really lose any weight. Let’s be honest here, folks. What can I change? Maybe I can meet a new person or two… that’s where you lovely folks come in!

About me: I’m a young-getting-older person, female but also really not. I am short and rather overweight – I love bread, okay? I’m an outdoorsy, quiet-hobbies person. I write, crochet, bake, take outdoor trips, do some photography, and otherwise love to sit back and watch a movie or two while multi-tasking. I’m an animal lover but don’t own any. I live in remote Wisconsin and work in wild places. I say that without exaggeration, so please please please don’t stake your hopes and dreams on an in-person relationship from the start. #Online is first for a reason! If you want to go on an adventure after we’ve chatted, come see me! In the off season, maybe I can come see you!

In terms of kink, I’m still pretty new to this whole thing. I think I like a bunch of stuff but have no experience to back that up. I think I like rope, bondage, leather, orgasm denial/control, maybe pet play? Again, I’ve never actually experienced any of it. I’d love to hear more of what you like and why. I am not interested in humiliation or degradation, dumbing down, watersports, bloodsports…I think you get the gist.

A big note: I am a virgin and asexual. I know that’s a deal-breaker for most. If that’s your deal-breaker, please don’t get my hopes up. I want to meet really cool people, not get my naïve self hurt. I do still enjoy teasing and flirting at the very least. Ask if you want more information and where exactly I draw lines!

About you: confident without being condescending, patient, friendly, willing to have a clingy/bored person chatting and texting with you daily. Willing to teach, curious, interested in learning about new people and new walks of life --  I am not a traditional person, ask questions!

If you’ve made it all the way to the bottom, excellent! I love animal puns, will you throw me your best one?