Can you introduce yourself?

I'm 34, in San Francisco. Gainfully employed, great health insurance coverage, white wine over red wine until the white wine is gone. About nine years of BDSM experience. Based in San Francisco and looking for something in-person - my schedule is pretty flexible and I generally travel a lot so I'm open to other cities if we click.

What kind of Dom are you?

I would say that like many things in life, I don't fall neatly into one category. For one, I do exhibit certain elements of what one may consider a Gentle Dom, because I pay particular attention to someone's needs and am very giving in that sense. On the other hand, just to provide an example, I love impact play, and the best part of it is the reminder the next day.

Do let me know if you have a way to categorize someone very giving who does not hesitate to slap you around the bedroom.

How do I know that you are the real deal?

That is my responsibility to show you. Some people find comfort in reassuring words, others will proclaim that actions speak louder than words.

Above all, I am an open book in many ways and will answer and consider your questions thoughtfully. My commitment is that I will provide the space for you to explore and probe during our conversations without judgment or defensiveness.

Dominating someone does not mean that you are not allowed to ask questions or that you must blindly follow directions. You are allowed to ask, you are allowed to understand, and you are allowed to question if it does not feel right to you. Submission is earned and it is my responsibility to earn that.That sounds submissive of you.

Dominance and submission are not synonyms for receiving and giving. I have sometimes been questioned whether my desire to please a submissive isn't sign of submission itself - to which I usually reply that it's an exchange, and pleasing someone isn't the domain of only one person. Dominance and submission are not synonyms for receiving and giving - although at the end of the day, if someone wants to interpret it as such, I have no qualms with it, but we're likely not going to be a good match.

What qualities do you value in a sub?

I wish this was as easy to answer as it is to ask. It is a bit of a restatement of "what are you looking for" - alas human beings are complex and I like to dig deep. Like really deep. Whenever I get asked this question, I jokingly reply with "wordy". Like all great jokes, it has some truth to it, and I tend to have great conversations with those who are curious and happy to share, and we end up exchanging paragraphs upon paragraphs of messages, and FaceTime in-person meetups end the same way. In the past, there was nothing quite like meeting up, chatting for hours on the couch, while slowly inching closer to each other, slowly teasing, before actually getting into a scene.And yet other times, meeting up and going straight at it without me even saying a word lit me on fire as well.The point being that I value complexity as most of us can't really be pigeon-holed one way or another. Different stimuli evoke different reactions, and this self-discovery and self-exploration is something I love to undertake.

Why do you write so much?

I appreciate nuance and passion. I find it incredibly attractive watching someone talk, especially if they are sharing their passions with me. It feels like there is a fire burning inside me whenever it happens. I am enthusiastic and I know what feelings it lights up inside me. Passion is key for me.

Enthusiasm can just be a euphemism for pushy.

Fair observation. For me, the difference lies in the intent.

Enthusiasm for me means that I am excited for you (and me). That I would melt inside if I was able to help you feel what you have been longing to feel. That I would be there to help you grow. To explore and figure out who you are. Be the sounding board if you are unsure about something and share my experiences, thoughts and concerns. And much more.

Pushy doesn't listen well. Pushy doesn't take no for an answer. Pushy doesn't ask questions.A lot of what I wrote are generalizations, but it really comes back to what I wrote above already - Dominating someone does not mean that you are not allowed to ask questions or that you must blindly follow directions. You are allowed to ask, you are allowed to understand, and you are allowed to question if it does not feel right to you.

There are differences between pushing boundaries that were okay'ed and pushing boundaries that you are not comfortable with having pushed.

Do you have any pet peeves?

I don't quite understand people who choose to eat food in bed.

What is a pet peeve that could apply to you?

The moment the plane lands, I'm on my feet. I just sat for hours in an economy seat with the person in front of me reclining their seat all the way back. I'm 6'4", I need to stretch my legs now.

Where is your full kink list?

Waiting to be revealed once we get a bit of a sense for, and of, each other.

Why should I bother if I don't think we'll have the same kinks?

That's a fair question to ask and wonder about. In my experience, compatibility has not been an issue. I try not to delve right away into all the sexy, fun topics because it takes away from building a connection with someone. And that is important to me.

I have no questions left to ask. How do I even start this?

I believe in you. It's impossible to run out of things to talk about. Think about your entire life and every experience that shaped you into who you are today - it would take literally a lifetime to discuss, so that alone has enough conversation potential before we even get to me or the world around us.

Tell me about your day, tell me about what annoyed you today, tell me about what did or could make your day. Or something else entirely.

Any last-minute tips even if we don't vibe, since I made it all the way to the end of your post?

Experiences make life worth living.

Whether you're just browsing, curious what is out there, or actively looking, or had a bad experience - don't give up. There is someone out there for you who appreciates you for who you are and who you can have earth-shattering experiences with.

PS: I prefer reddit messages over chat, notifications on the latter are hit or miss for me if you value timely responses!