REALLY LONG POST

What I'm looking for...

Someone who wants to build a relationship to last the rest of our lives where we incorporate a D/s dynamic into a beautiful equal, caring partnership based on mutual respect, empathy, passion, attraction and kindness. Ideally, we share similar interests, values, needs, wants, kinks, and dreams ... and we have that beautiful spark of chemistry that feels SOOO good. :)

D/s, sex, and all that kinky fuckery plays a vital part in this relationship but it cannot be its basis. The basis has to be a partnership of two people who completely respect and care about each other as human beings first.

About Me

I'm a life coach and crisis counselor at a suicide hotline. I find it incredibly rewarding to help people heal from emotional trauma and to give them hope. Especially, as I've been through a lot of trauma myself and have spent a great deal of time and energy healing those traumas and becoming a whole and healed person.

All this healing has resulted in me growing into a very happy person who loves to laugh, smile, and dance around her living room. I am financially independent and secure, relatively fit and attractive (there’s a picture of me in my profile), and I’ve learned how to communicate authentically, gently and without making accusations. I am vulnerable with my emotions, needs, and boundaries so long as you are a safe space to do that with. I’m still working on expressing all my needs, wants, and boundaries as I’m a recovering people-pleaser but I’m completely aware of this and willing to push myself.😊

I love to meditate and do breathwork to connect with my higher self and my guides. I'm very spiritual. I believe in energy work, astrology, human design, manifestation, reincarnation and all sorts of out-there stuff. Discovering and allowing myself to believe in these things was a big turning point in my healing journey and so I cherish all these beautifully crazy beliefs now. I originally come from a very science-based background and have a Masters in Psychology and completely understand when people don't believe in this stuff and I never try to convince anyone of my beliefs.

I have a 13-year-old son who lives with me most of the time and with his dad some of the time. His dad and I only recently divorced even though we've been separated for about 5 years now. My ex and I get along extremely well, and we co-parent our son with lots of love and communication. My son is a very important part of my life, and I love him intensely. He's also old enough now to want to do his own thing and is perfectly content to let me do mine. I enjoy being able to focus more on me and my wants, needs and desires. (I do not want anymore kids of my own.)

After healing and being a mom for the past 13 years, I’ve finally started living my life the way I want to live it and am starting to immerse myself in the things I used to love to do. I love reading fantasy novels, playing Dungeons and Dragons, Magic the Gathering, going out with my girlfriends for Soundbaths and Energy Healings, and exploring the city I live in. I enjoy exploring nature and talking up a storm about anything I’m passionate about with a likeminded soul. I love trying knew foods, cooking, playing board games, attending kink or vanilla events and making new friends. I absolutely adore spending all day in bed, having kinky sex, cuddling and bdsm-ing as well.

Kinky Me

I’ve been exploring my kinky side for the last 10 years and have had some D/s relationships along the way, so I’ve been able to hone in on what I really enjoy and what I don’t like.

I’m a good girl and not a brat except for some gentle playfulness and teasing. I like my dom to be gentle but firm and absolutely melt when given orders. I have a definite praise kink and crave touch and affection.

I like to please and I like to be pushed or forced or ordered to do things I do not like to do. My fantasies always revolve around being spanked, caned, whipped simply because my dom wants to hurt me and see how much pain I’m willing to take for him. (It’s not a ton right now. My pain threshold isn’t super high.) I’m not a painslut and pain does not get me off but the mental and emotional feeling of submission I get from enduring pain or discomfort to please my dom is incredible. Now this only works for me when there is also lots of affection and praise and tons of aftercare (I’m a major cuddler and also like to talk through things afterwards). Painal is another aspect of this ‘suffering for my dom’s pleasure’ that really turns me on even as I actually physically hate the feeling of it. 😊 (Make it make sense.) I like the combination of hard and sweet, like being slapped and then told what a good girl I am with a tender little kiss, only to be slapped again.

Just as an example of what really hits all my submissive spots: a recent fantasy was one where he’s cradling me in his arm and he’s kissing me in between hitting my tits, pussy, and inner thighs with a wooden spoon with tears streaming down my face while telling me what a good girl I am.

I have a huge CNC kink but have not had the chance to really explore it and would love to do so once there’s trust established. I like bondage, impact, anal, giving and receiving oral, orgasms (mine and yours), squirting, dirty talk, being slapped, collar and leash, kneeling, toys, Master/slave, being owned … and probably a ton of things I’m forgetting right now.

I’m happy to discuss hard and soft limits as well. Some examples of hard limits: No scat, no kids/animals (shouldn’t even have to be said), no making me pass out, no predicament bondage. Some soft limits: no harsh verbal degradation (no calling me stupid, worthless, useless), no making me vomit through facefucking, no chastity or longer orgasm denial, no public humiliation … there’s more. This is just a sample. 😊

I can also enjoy vanilla sex and lose myself in the mutual exchange of pleasure and sensations. I’m extremely sensual.

What I’m looking for in my Partner

Below is a description of my ideal partner but I’m fully aware that none of us are ideal, we are all just humans with flaws and quirks and issues. So look at it as a rough outline of who I’m looking for, not exact specifications.

About You

You are looking for someone to share the rest of your life with and are willing to enjoy the journey of finding that person. (We may not work out but that doesn't mean we can't appreciate the experience.) You are financially secure and independent (do not care what you do as long as it makes you happy), are between the ages of 35 and 55 (age range isn’t set in stone – more of a guideline), taller than me – I’m 5’ 8, relatively fit and attractive (would request that you send me a current pic if we start chatting) and live in Charlotte or surrounding areas. You have time to invest in this relationship and are willing to take the initiative in setting up dates for us. (I totally will, too, just don’t want to be the only one.)

You are intelligent and enjoy the pursuit of knowledge through books or other media. You love having long, deep conversations about substantive topics. You have invested time and energy into improving your emotional intelligence, coping, listening and communication skills … ideally, you’ve had some therapy as I firmly believe we can all benefit from that. You can have difficult conversations in a vulnerable manner with lots of empathy and without getting defensive

Ideally, you believe some of the same spiritual stuff I do including in reincarnation, energy, manifestation and meta-physics. At the very least I’d need you to be open-minded and a little curious. Please don’t be a hardcore atheist or follower of any of the major religions (Exception: Buddhists).

I would love for you to also be a fantasy/sci-fi nerd and get the opportunity to play Magic with you as well as nerd out over board games and start up a dungeons and dragons group with you. There’s also a NSFW DnD subreddit with lots of cool ideas of how to incorporate naughtiness into DnD. (Did I mention I have a very dirty mind?)

It doesn’t bother you that my son is a part of my life and so is his dad. You wouldn’t be meeting or spending time with my son unless our relationship looks like it will become more substantial.

Given the polarization of current politics, we’ll probably get along a whole lot better if you also voted Blue and believe that women and minority groups deserve equal rights and opportunities.

That’s all I can think of right now … and it was a lot … LOL

If any of this resonates I’d love to hear from you via chat or messages.

Love and Light,

J