I know that people want to have relationships, yet retain control over themselves in them. Because duh, both being in a relationship and having a sense of agency feel good. I guess that's what people here on BDSMpersonals are also asking for: relationships where both parties still have control, yet the BDSM provides a nice little sauce of fun pleasure on top. For a lot of people, this construct of having vanilla relationships with the sauce of BDSM on top is enough for them. Not for me.

I don't want vanilla relationships.

To me, BDSM is a tool for people who can't find themselves in vanilla relationship dynamics. To me, BDSM is that there's a distinct and agreed upon transfer of power and control. That both parties say, "Yes, the Dominant, by virtue of being dominant, gets to have all the power. I agree with and like it to be that way."

Yes, that sentence means what you think it means.

To me, the definition of dominance means that the Dominant gets to say what happens. So, there's no vanilla relationship where both parties have control, yet the Dominant is responsible for 'leading' the relationship and providing that nice fuzzy feeling of submission. That just sounds like the Dominant being there for the submissive. Not very 'dominant', right? I guess this is where the phrase of, "Ultimately, the submissive is in control." comes from. Obviously, I disagree with that.

So yeah, I'm looking for a genuine D/s relationship. True D/s isn't always fun, but when practiced properly, much more fulfilling than vanilla relationships.

If you feel you could relate to what I wrote, please send me a message over the chat feature here on reddit (and tell me the color of a strawberry). If you feel the need to comment, debate, correct or otherwise feel the need to defend yourself against me having these opinions, please don't send me a message.