Intro

I wanted to write a short post about finding a BDSM partner, but it turned out to be long, exhaustive and comprehensive instead. I personally think it's a good read, but I'll leave that up to you.

Just a quick summary of what's in it:

• Why I need dominance and BDSM;
• How I'm going to change you;
• Why you need my dominance;
• What my ground rules are for having relationships in general.

Before you start reading, can I ask something of you? Just try to notice how you're feeling right now. That's it. Nothing fancy. Make a mental note of how you're feeling.

The hook

Wouldn't it be nice if you could just let someone else take care of the responsibility in training and molding you into something that pleases your Dom? So you won't have to carry conversations, or intuit what they need or trying to understand by yourself? To make all of that effort, and instead just be instructed and rewarded for being obedient? That does sound good, doesn't it? All you want to do is give up your control and submit to them telling you how to please them. If you keep reading, that's exactly what you might be getting.

Why I need BDSM for my dominance

To me, being dominant and taking care of people's emotional needs/personal growth is one and the same thing. I have a very high need to direct people, and have very strong ideas about what's 'good' for them. Or maybe it's the opposite: I have very strong feelings about what is good for people, and somehow it has to get out. I have to imprint myself onto other people, or else I feel I'll explode.

The problem is, in real life, people don't really want to be told what to do, let alone please me. So, I need BDSM as an outlet for my dominance.

In other words, the directing/being dominant, the 'telling people what to do, is something I enjoy doing and a need in and of itself, to which BDSM is a solution.

How I'm going to change you

I like training and molding you to begin with, but also I also like to make you into something that can fulfill my needs.

I can't expect you to be what I need you to be overnight. Nor do I want to. It's much more enjoyable to slowly put thoughts in your head. A tiny correction here, a small praise there. Maybe some bigger requests and pushing the envelope, but nothing more than you can handle. I'm always ingesting and listening to where you are mentally and emotionally. That makes it easier to understand what to instruct you with, don't you think?

This way, you'll slowly change over time, and because it's not as pronounced, you'll never notice how much you've changed, let alone be able to resist it. Once you realize how much you've changed, it's already too late. You can't go back anymore. You'd be mine.

I've been told this process makes submissives feel incredibly cared for. There's no pressure at all. In fact, I'm putting so little pressure on you, yet interact positively with you, that you'll automatically feel warm and fuzzy.

Why you need BDSM and my dominance

It's a win-win. You have someone who changes you for the better and takes care of your need for submission, which makes you feel safe and loved, while me being able to direct and tell you 'what to do' makes me feel loved. Not to mention that I get my other needs met in the process.

It's so deeply embedded into who you are, that you just can't deny you're a submissive. Even if you might not have explored it that much. Somehow, what I'm saying resonates with you. Good. Don't deny yourself what you might need. Give in to the feeling. Let it happen. Say yes. Stop resisting, and go along with it. Embody what it's making trying to make you feel. You're really close in getting what you need. All you have to do is keep reading until I invite you to send me a message. You're nearly there. Good girl.

The relationship

Even though I will make you feel as good when we talk as I did with what I wrote, there's still some icky and yucky ground rules I enforce for having relationships at all. I value both of our well-beings, and that's what these rules protect.

In other words, yes, I'll probably be able to, literally and figuratively, make you feel good things with my tongue, it's still important to have some structure and rules in our relationship.

I want you understand these rules with relative sobriety, instead of feeling intensely good, so that you can give me your fully informed consent. Yes, we'll have many times where the average interaction between us feels incredibly good, but there might also be times where it's just outright... not as stimulating. So, to prepare you for that, I am giving you these rules without any kind of specific 'feel good' vibe.

If you feel that you need to feel good all the time, or feel the need to argue or defend yourself against these ground rules, that might be a sign we're not compatible.

I put the ground rules I enforce into three categories. The first being what you can expect of me, then what I expect of you, and lastly, things I absolutely and under no circumstance will accept in my relationships.

It's not as fun reading these as everything before in the ad, but it's important you do understand what I'm writing here.

You can expect of me that I:

• Value my peace of mind, and by extension mental health. I consider both of these my priority number one. So, the same peace of mind that I try to give myself, I will also want to bring you. Just because I think everyone deserves them;
• Am emotionally intelligent, honest, and available. This means I can adjust my expectations to the situation. I, for example, won't ask you to be submissive or do things for me if you're sick, or if you don't have time or are otherwise not available. This also means that I'm a good teacher, coach, psychotherapist, boyfriend/partner and housemate, just to name a few roles I could play for you;
• Communicate what I feel and think. It makes it easier to be on the same page;
• Give my full, undivided attention to what I'm doing in that moment. If I'm talking to you, you have my full attention. If I am playing a videogame, I fully focus on that. If I am in comfy mode on the couch, with a bag of doritos, you better take out the weed, because we're chilling. I'm joking, but you get the gist. That means that when I'm the dominant in your life, I take that role, and your role as a submissive in my life, serious.

On the other hand, I expect you to:

• Reciprocate in everything I bring you. For example, if I am emotionally available to you, I want you to be that back to me. If I focus on you in that moment, you focus on me too. Basically anything that you can expect of me, I want you to reciprocate in;
• Understand that the emotional intelligence I offer you can be two sides of the same coin: what it brings you, might also protect me. If I am good to you, but you are bad to me, I won't hesitate to respond appropriately. In other words, if you act in such a way to not deserve what I bring you, I won't give things at all, and so on. The very thing that guides me to be a good person to you, will and respond to behavior that's bad for me;
• Understand that even though I am there for your growth and emotional needs, that it's still not an 'equal' relationship. Meaning, with the responsibility I carry to take care of you, comes the authority to make decisions that you might sometimes not understand (in which case I will explain), or get to have an influence over. This idea, that I have the authority in the relationship, is something you'll have to accept. That brings me to the next point;
• Understand that even though the basis of the relationship is mental and emotional, there will be a sexual component. If me acting within my authority to ask things of you which you might not agree to (like pictures), then we might not be a fit. It's either I have full authority (and with that the responsibility, which I enjoy fulfilling), or I don't and we're equal. Given that this is a BDSM relationship, we can't be equal;
• Tell me what the color of a strawberry is if you do decide to message me.

The things I will not accept in my BDSM relationships. If you feel defensive or the need to debate me about having these boundaries, that's a sign we might not be compatible. I**:**

• Don't play mindgames;
• Do not argue, fight, debate or otherwise struggle over who's in control;
• Don't deal with brats. Not unless it's the cute and flustered kind. Not the toxic 'resistance for the sake of frustration' type. You get bonus points if I overwhelm you with the skills I have in certain things;
• Do not tolerate people who want their own needs to be met and need me to be specific things before they will consider relating to me. Meaning, if you ask me how significant my bankaccount, body (height, weight, penis) or beauty is, I am going to move on immediately. It's okay to have things you want from a partner, it's another to not connect with the human. If you can't look past the things I don't have, to see the things I do, I sadly can't deal with that. This is a loving relationship, not a transactional one;

Outro

So yeah, that's pretty much it. I'm sure I've not mentioned things that I've forgotten, or will discover things as we go along, but this is the vast majority of what I need from a BDSM relationship.

Now, remember how I asked you to check how you felt at the start of this ad? Check again. Do you feel a difference? Without you knowing, I've already gotten in your head and started molding you into what I need you to be. Good girl.

If you liked what I wrote, or just want to share what I did make you feel (perhaps a longing sense of desire? Or, other parts of your body becoming excited?) send me a message via the reddit chat feature. That way, I'll know you're ready for the next step in submitting to me.