Haha so crazy. So crazy right? Okay I am no longer asking, I am going to find someone to love and cherish and do horrible kinky things to or die trying. If it be a sin to covet love, I am the most offending soul alive.

Okay maybe that's a bit too much pressure to put in the opening line of my post, but I am (1) sick of feeling like a kink dispenser, (2) at my McFucking limit. So here I go posting my ad again.

Hello you kinky bastards, I am back once more to seek out someone to do horrible awful no-good titillating enticing kinky things with. Perhaps even one day do that most taboo of things. Yes, I do mean physically existing in public while holding hands. During daylight hours. I know! I know! It would shock the conscience. Holding hands in public during the day? Men will faint, women will gasp, children will sob uncontrollably, dogs will lay down with cats, and cats will actually tolerate it. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do.

Who am I to attempt such a feat? To dare to even suggest such a thing? Well, howdy. I'm a 28 year old graduate student in... well "good old" would be pushing it so let's leave it at Baltimore. Don't fear if you're outside the city as, to borrow the title of an old western, Have Gun Kink - Will Travel. I have transportation, and enjoy using it. There's nothing better than alternating between a history podcast and loud off-key singing to wildly varying musical genres as I drive.

I am accompanied at home by my fearless extremely skittish companion, my cat. She is the Guardian of the Desk, the Sitter in the Sun, the Lazy Fuzzball. Pictures available upon request for a nominal fee.

When I am not studying or sitting in my swivel chair petting my cat and pretending that I'm Dr. Evil you can usually find me reading a book (well, e-book), playing a video game (Rimworld, Squad44, Baldur's Gate 3, etc.), or in the woods camping. Not hiking mind you, camping. I will hike to a camp site, and I will hike from a camp site, but despite the best efforts of various nature lovers I have not yet found a hike I enjoyed. I am also an adequate cook. Woah now, hold on, I know. An adequate cook? Ladies please try to contain your excitement. I am also a total night owl, which is bad and I need to fix so I can wake up to do things at work.

Alright cutting the crap for a hot second. While everything I said above is of course true, you may have gathered that I have a terminal inability to take things seriously. I'm seeking someone who is generally a sub-type who can match that energy, or diametrically oppose it. If you are six feet of attitude in a five foot package, this means you. Switches are of course also welcome, though fair warning I'm not personally a switch.

Please also know that I am a somewhat busy person in my vanilla life right now. I am in crunch time for a bunch of things this semester (grad school woooo) - and that, unfortunately, will have to take priority sometimes. Look I like a clingy gal as much as the next guy. Moreso, probably. And I'm usually pretty good about texting back. But actual time in person may be a bit limited. Once a week or every other week for a little bit. Just until I have vanquished this cursed semester and driven it back to the hole from which it spawned.

Okay anyways. Fast physical facts about me, in no particular order:

• 6' even
• Reasonably height/weight proportionate (HWP) I'd say, but I'm no Adonis.
• Dirty blond hair that's cut short medium short-ish? I don't know it's like an inch and a half at this point and I should probably cut it soon.
• Blue eyes (I'm told they're very pretty).
• Willing to provide a selfie upon request.

Please be, in no particular order:

• Kinky (duh)
• A sub-type/switch (simply essential)
• Amused by my antics (vital)
• Willing to tolerate horrible jokes (necessary)
• Within an hour or two of Baltimore (flexible)
• Flexible (optional)
• DDF (weed doesn't count)
• Also reasonably HWP (I can't think of a good parenthetical)
• Capable of holding a conversation (tell me about your niche interest)
• Open to, or actively seeking, a monogamous relationship (I am)

Please do not be, in extremely particular order:

• Looking for a sugar daddy (it's not happening)
• Cheating on someone (no thank you)
• Currently practicing ENM (just not my cuppa, as the English probably don't say)

Right I think that's about enough out of me. I look forward to your forthcoming deluge of messages. Hah, I crack me up. If you are struggling to think of a conversation starter, as I sometimes do, tell me about your favorite conspiracy theory. If you do not have a favorite conspiracy theory, consider, did Liston take a dive against Ali? Are the British Royal Family actually Werewolves? Can you predict the future by slapping a piece of swiss cheese on the newspaper and reading the words in the holes? I don't know, but you might.

PS: bonus points and definitely possibly my eternal love if you can track down the incredibly vague reference to a famous speech I made in this post. Well actually I suppose there's two now, but the more obvious one isn't the one I meant. But if you find the more obvious one I will still be pleased.