I truly put great thought and detail into that title and post.  Always piqued interest and sparked some great connections. (I’m trying to inspire hope in everyone who is trying to meet someone on here, not brag about my “BDSM personal ad” skills. It can work out, if you spark inspiration in a passing reader with the right tone and content. Will I succeed here? We can only try our best.) But let’s forget about that, because I’ve seemingly forgotten. That was then and this is now, right?

All of my relationships have been vanilla since last dabbling in petplay. I’m not suited for relationships without it. Petplay is too much fun, it offers too many possibilities, it’s too emotionally intense; it makes for such special and unique connections, and it makes for some extremely memorable experiences. It makes sex more fun; it makes sex occasionally hilarious for both participants. And it builds incredible trust and gives two people something very bizarre to share in together. And it produces some great anecdotes you can never share with friends. Have you ever had to wait home for an Amazon delivery for a horse tail butt plug, a BDSM dog collar, and all the parts for a fox costume, ears included? I have. Have you ever had to delete an Amazon account you set up solely to buy this stuff to avoid being suggested bondage equipment forever thereafter on the account you otherwise use to buy clothing and household goods? Deleting an Amazon account is not easy.

But the weird toys and costumes and the pet/owner dynamics just invoke a passion in me for another person that vanilla sex and relationships don’t. I really do wish to fall rapturously in love with someone over this; someone who is as pulsatingly excited about petplay as I am. Imagine the story about how we met! (We will definitely have to lie and say Hinge.)

Am I a handsome, tall, property owner? Bragging about one’s appearance is uncouth, though I am 6’4” and do own where I live. However, I am as tall as my apartment is small, so let’s not brag about those things, either. I am a fiction writer with a book deal, but that’s making me no money until it eventually does, so I do have a “real job” (is WFH ever a real job?) to tide things over. (Don’t worry; I can afford weird sex toys that fall apart as soon as you open them, or smell so noxious you wouldn’t dare put them in your mouth, let alone anywhere else.) Am I a bodybuilder? I jog to stay slim but do have a butt. It’s the best I can offer. My apartment is meticulously clean, and I always smell nice; those things, I will brag about. Interests? Many, but I’m especially interested in learning about whatever your interests are, if we click. I find people interesting and love meeting and learning about anyone who isn't me.

You can be however and whatever you are, provided you are a single adult woman who is into this stuff (or thinks she might be, if eased into it). In terms of dynamics: I want to dress you up like a cat and remind you that the sofa is not for pets? I can’t be pointlessly mean or cruel, so if you’re looking for something like that, I can’t help, unfortunately. To me, this is supposed to be good-old heart-pounding fun.

UK is preferable just so we can tease ourselves with the possibility of eventually meeting; even if you’d prefer to talk extensively first, and even though 99% of these exchanges fizzle out. But let’s be optimistic! I just ask that you’re relatively chilled in your demeanour and expressive in your messages. As for limits: I’m not into anything painful, dangerous, or involving bodily functions best handled in the privacy of a certain room in the home.

 Thanks for reading!