Hello. I’m looking for somebody to have an email correspondence with. I’m not particularly interested in having any sort of dynamic with my correspondent — rather, we’d write about our own respective relationships with sex, kink, romance, and so on. To re-iterate: I do NOT want to roleplay, write/read erotica, or enter a sexual relationship. I want to have conversations about sex, kink, and romance with some intellectual distance from the subjects.

  I’m open to all ages (above 18, of course), genders, and nationalities. However, I’d like it if you were interested in art, literature, and/or critical theory; I am, and I enjoy learning and talking about those things. It sounds a little wanky to say that I’m looking for an ‘intellectual’ correspondence, but, well, I am. I’m not interested in just shuttling back and forth some recounts of our sexual experiences — I want to dissect what gratifies us, and reflect on past relationships/dynamics/scenes. I’d also prefer to write to somebody who’s got some experience with in-person BDSM, but this isn’t a dealbreaker.

  Here’s an excerpt from another correspondence I keep, just so you can get a sense of my writing style:  

I’ve been seeing a French man for the past few weeks. He leaves my city at the end of the month; our working assumption is that he will never return. I found this, and him, incredibly romantic at first — I think the excitement of not-knowing has fizzled out, and it has not been replaced with the warmth of familiarity. There’s something calcified between us. He still calls me petit cœur, slings his arm around my shoulders, kisses my ears — but nothing feels romantic anymore.

I suspect it is entirely my fault. Have you ever had a relationship that you enjoy talking about more than being in? (How can a man live up to mythology?) I like the simultaneity: a Trojan horse of love-song full to the brim with me, me, me. The rigmarole is surprisingly fulfilling. Sitting on his bed and taking off my shirt feels like a performance — not for him, but for me. And I like it. (I understand Chris Kraus much better now.)

As a final note, I’d like to transition to email as quickly as possible. Please send me a substantial message with your email address at the end, and I’ll respond to you via that. Looking forward to hearing from you.