Heads up; it’s a long one…

I keep coming back to this unyielding desire that I just can't seem to escape. It's a longing so profound, so consuming, that I find myself constantly drawn back to it, despite my best efforts to resist.

I find myself unable to escape the grip of this desire that seems to consume me from within. It's a part of me, woven into the fabric of my being, impossible to hide or ignore. Despite my efforts to suppress it, I now realize that I need it, that it is a fundamental part of who I am. I long for someone to help me navigate this uncharted territory, to shed light on this desire and guide me through accepting it. I yearn for understanding, for someone to see me, truly see me, and help me embrace this aspect of myself without fear or shame.

Sooo, who am I? It's a question that echoes in my mind as I navigate through this maze of existence, feeling perpetually stuck. Every word I say, every action I take, seems to miss the mark, leaving me in a state of restless dissatisfaction. It's as if I'm searching for something just beyond my reach, an elusive truth that continues to evade me despite my relentless efforts. This isn't about embellishment or poetic musings; it's a straightforward admission of the frustration and confusion that define my current state.

I always find myself putting others before myself. Their needs before my own. I can’t help it. I’m too empathetic and I care too much. I tend to put my all into my work and those who are worth my time. This has become a defining trait, shaping how I interact with the world. Yet, beneath this altruistic surface lies a complex, hidden part of me. One that doesn't quite fit the public image I've cultivated.

Despite my outward shyness and professional demeanor, I have a kinky side. Yes, it’s true. It is the quiet, shy ones you have to look out for. No one really knows. It's a part of me that I hide, purely because I don’t think “they” would understand. This aspect of my identity could easily be misunderstood, leading to judgments or misconceptions that I cannot afford to face openly.

The gist is that I’m a chronic submissive people pleaser to the point it’s taboo. This submissiveness extends beyond my personal interactions and into the realms of my desires and fantasies. It creates an internal conflict, balancing the urge to please and the fear of being misunderstood or exposed.