To tell you the truth: I am presently going through a genuine internal revolution. I am in the process of recovering my true, inherently perfect, self which I had buried in order to survive until now. I have been getting my shit together in the past few years and at this point, most of my beliefs have been dramatically shattered. I feel overwhelmed by the consequent rise of a lack of bearings. These shaky days, I am torn between the desire to connect with people and the fear of losing my identity again.

When I impulsively ventured beyond vanilla at the beginning of 2018, and I owe the first steps of my improvised female Domination journey to Craigslist’s Personals, it was a creatively fun experience. I actually caught up earlier this year with the last person I met through this defunct method and it was amazing to perceive the beginnings through my current lenses as I have obviously seen more than a thing or two over the past six years. Believe it or not, I was even graced with a do-over of my first Domination experience! As it happened, it did not work out with the first submissive man I have met since he believed I was too nice. Then, after the demise of the institution that was the famous anonymous advertisements section, I became active on Fetlife and kept exploring my dominant aspects. A few years later, connecting with a sub through this site, we met which was going great for both of us before I was struck with a déjà vu and panicked when I realized we had already met! It was fabulously absurd, in retrospect.

In parallel, I discovered how cliché I was: it became clear that I was not the priority in my own life and that it unfortunately benefited some people with whom I would eventually have to part ways as they would not appreciate me standing up for myself, even when it was a matter of life or death. I was a Domme in private almost only and started to hope that my kinky adventure would help me improve at being assertive beyond closed doors, that the domination would spread and that I could become more unapologetic about who I am.

Now, even if it has been a long time since I have banned regrets, I am in the daring process of facing my traumas by revisiting previous chapters of my story that I have avoided for too long as they cemented in me the belief that I am defective. It is unsettling to be confronted with the fact that, all this time, I was convinced of being unworthy while I was a majestic lion nonetheless. The stories I was fed and the doubt that was nurtured hurt me cruelly and as I free myself from all of it, it is difficult not to be extremely vigilant when I encounter opportunities for history to repeat itself: that is meeting new people.

As I retrieve my essence, the flame of my deep sunken need to surrender is getting so excessively hot that I can no longer ignore it. I am terrified by the idea of being in the submissive role yet I crave the Dominant who will playfully help me relinquish and abandon myself to them. I yearn for a bond where the trust is so strong that limits burst. I fantasize about being so kindly tamed that I will long for nothing other than my skillful Master’s contentment and pleasure.

Therefore, I now identify as a princess seeking the one who has the power to unlock the super slut within. I wish for a poetic Dominant partner with whom I will flourish, have a lot of fun, and share meaningful moments. I am, of course, also still interested in being served as a Queen for now.