Intro

Hey there, I'm Yamanous, and I'm looking for someone. Not anyone, no. A very special person. Can you be that person for me?

Everyone has their ideas about what dominance or submission is and what they need from BDSM, including me. I'm going to be sharing that perspective with you, and if you can find yourself in that, please, send me a message.

I'm known to be a staunch individualist, in that I share what I feel and give my perspective on thoughts and behaviors just because I have them. It might be that the perspectives in this post confront you with yourself, and it might trigger the need for you to defend yourself. If that's the case, I want to apologize, because I don't mean any harm. So, now I've warned you this post might be a bit spicy, I hope you can allow me to share these perspectives. It might get a bit boring, so if you're wishing for a quick fix or to jump into things quickly, then I might not be the guy for you.

Disclaimer: the things I say are not to discredit things in and of itself; I say them because I want to shine a light on how I feel about them and why they might or might not fit with me.

Seeing things for what they are

I'm the kind of person who wants to see things for what they are, so that I can make the best decision about if that's for me or not. Take the concept of having a friend for example. Everyone has their own definitions of what a friend is, but my definition is someone who you can spend time with and share life with, have a good time and mess around and make jokes without it needing to be romantic and whatever. You're buddies, and you share activities that you both enjoy, and you support eachother in life where you can and so forth. So, when someone comes along and invites you as a friend, and they don't act like one, I won't feel comfortable in calling them my friend, and because they aren't my friend, I won't treat them as one. In fact, I will treat them as something they act like.

That's what I mean with 'see things for what they are'. I've had too many instances (probably dozens upon dozens at this point), where I'm told one thing, and when I went along with someone else's definition of said thing, it burned me. That hurts. I don't want that anymore.

What BDSM is to me.

The whole above thing applies to BDSM too. I see a lot of people using BDSM for things that I think BDSM isn't meant for. BDSM to me is a place for people who have a genuine need for things the average person or 'normie' or 'casual' or however you want to call it, doesn't want. That's why it's called a kink. If you fit into the mold of 'normal', having needs that don't fit into that mold could be seen has having a kink in the cable.

The average person wants an equal relationship where both sides have an equal say. Not too overpowering for the other, not too oppressed either. Or at least, to not be limited in their freedom. This creates a relationship where both parties want the most of their freedom, and any kind of decision has to be negotiated. In BDSM, fundamentally, that balance is always, and I mean always, imbalanced, and both sides enjoy it that way. Having an equal relationship and a BDSM relationship are inherently incompatible. That doesn't mean that you're not taking care of eachother, or that you don't love eachother, or that there's no communication or whatever else. No, those things are still there. A BDSM relationship is still a relationship, just with different rules.

What those rules are, depends on the individuals, but there's always an element of imbalanced freedom.

For example, doing kinky stuff doesn't make it a BDSM relationship. Say you're in a relationship where you get to rig (put the other person into bondage) the other person for a few hours, and they can get out when they ask for it. In that instance, you're not having a BDSM relationship. You're having an equal relationship where you do kinky stuff together once in a while. You'd not be kinky, you'd act kinky. You'd be having a kinky relationship, not a BDSM one.

What BDSM isn't to me.

(again, I re-iterate that these are my own perspectives and opinions, not to discredit other people's experience or to invalidate those choices in lifestyle.)

When I look through subs like these, or generally in places where people are trying to match, there's a few patterns that emerge:

• People are looking for a fantasy (to get off to). There's this final, ideal situation they're looking for, and the idea of the fantasy is more arousing than living the fantasy itself. Think about lists of kinks, that each on their own would need a portion of a lifetime to either learn to enjoy, or need to be discovered in oneself. As in, I see a list of say, "TPE, CNC, D/s, bondage and pain are my favorites". A D/s relationship is one hell of a dynamic on its own, and just like knowing yourself as a human being, it takes a significant portion of someone's life to explore that dynamic by itself, let alone multiple dynamics. They basically want it all, and they want it now, and when they get off, they're not thinking about the things themselves anymore. In other words, the fantasy of a kink itself is what gets them off, instead of it being something inherent to their personhood.
• People really want an equal relationship, but enjoy the pleasures of what a BDSM relationship brings. I feel submissives are usually the ones doing this; they want to be able to dictate the rules and balance of the relationship, much like in an equal relationship, while still being treated like a princess and being made to feel things. That doesn't really feel like a 'submissive' attitude to me. It's not fair to demand being equal as if in a normal relationship, and then have the dominant serve you at every beck and call.
• People use BDSM as a platform for personal-growth or things that shouldn't be sought in a dominant. For example, there's many subs that are looking for a dominant that will 'discipline' them into losing weight, or get them to do chores or generally are there to improve their lives, or even solve trauma but not really give anything as a submissive themselves. What you're looking for is a professional coach or a therapist, not a dominant with their own desire.

How I am as a person.

I've already said this in the beginning. I am a very strong individualist. I enjoy and rely on my inner world and everything that happens and comes out of there. I don't take what happens in there lightly. If I feel it, I feel it, and I will respect those feelings and process them or do something with it. That means that if I feel I do or don't want something, I won't hesitate to believe that I do or don't want something. It's another matter if I will get it, but I'm mature enough to deal with not getting my needs met or being invalidated, and so on.

I can't be in a vanilla, equal relationship. I have the need to express that individualism, and work towards what I want. Saying no to my inner desires because it doesn't suit someone else's desires is a no-no for me. I don't compromise on my inner world. It's okay if I don't get those desires immediately, but I won't compromise on changing or adapting them. So, given that vanilla people want to have that too, I can not be in a vanilla relationship. Or else it just becomes this constant fight between two equals that want what they want. That's not comfortable either. BDSM is the solution to this.

Given that I am so individualistic (read: not selfish, I just have a very strong sense of self), I make a good artist. I write, play the piano, am good at psychology and philosophy. I've been to the gym a while so I have a good base of muscles, even though I got a hernia and I can't go anymore. I've been a D&D dungeon master. If there's some sort of 'self' involved in the activity (like writing characters or roleplaying), I am probably good at it.

What am I looking for then?

So finally. Jesus this guys talks so much for something that shouldn't be so hard.

If you take all of the above, I'm basically looking for an actual BDSM relationship. A woman who wants to be submissive knows they are submissive deep within. A woman who knows that being submissive isn't something she plays or acts like, but is something that is as normal as her breathing, and she's looking for a man who can be the opposite of her submissive self.

I'm looking for a woman like her, because I am that opposite side.

I'm looking for a feminine person (if you're physically feminine enough but have a penis, that's fine. If you can make my brain believe you're feminine, that's good enough) who's submissive by nature and can be the polar opposite to my dominant self.

You get bonus points if you're emotionally regulated, calm and won't flinch from anything extreme. As in, the less limits you have, the better. To give you an example, I'm not shocked by many things and even morbidly curious sometimes, and would like you to be too.

I'm looking for a woman who is calm and emotionally regulated enough that I can be my free self, and direct her to please me. That if I ask her to do something for me, she'll oblige. I enjoy calmness and peace. So I want the relationship to be that too. If either of us did something bad, I want to be able to talk about it without drama. If someone does get elevated in their emotions, the other can still stay calm too. Emotional connection and reciprocity is the goal here. I don't need to yell to be dominant.

If you need a list for what you and I would be in the relationship:

• Emotionally/physically available (no not texting for days and then a single one liner: actual time spent talking with eachother.)
• Calm
• Communicative
• My individualistic/leadership dominance to your follower submission. You understand that trust and obedience from the submissive is balanced with responsibility and authority on the dominant's side.
• As limitless as possible (making any kind of play potentially on the table beyond the basis of the D/s relationship), see the above points. I'm a dominant, just because you're obedient to me doesn't mean I will needlessly torture you.
• Feminine to the point my brain recognizes you as a woman. Age or race is not important. My cock gets hard from submission, not you being hot. Well, that's a lie, but I value the submission over the hotness. Look at it this way, me 'getting to fuck you' is hotter than how sexy you might be.

Here's a list of kinks I'd eventually work towards in the relationship:

• Basis of D/s
• Possible eventual TPE
• Free use.
• Extreme kinks such as humiliation or degradation (think about making you drink from a bowl; restricted rights and so on.)
• Domestic slavery

Outro

So, if you feel you could start a relationship with me, or need to know more, please feel free to send me a message. Maybe we can get to talk and see how far we could go :D

I have my home available to me alone starting from this month's 11th/12th for a week or three, so we can have some alone-time if you wish. Otherwise, we can talk here or on the purple gaming platform. I prefer the latter.

When you do send me a message, tell me how you understand I need BDSM as a lifestyle, and not as a pleasure providing mechanism, your age and a (N)SFW pic to your liking.

Stay safe!

~Yamanous