I thought that as I got older that these feelings I have always seemed to have, would finally subdue..at least just a little. That the thought of someone's eyes on me, not able to see them, knowing that I'm being watched, stalked..obsessed over..wouldn't make my skin go hot. That the fear of imagining it wouldn't make me need to squeeze my thighs together. That the idea of being caught..no matter how much fighting I tried to do to get away..wouldn't make me feel my panties get wet. I thought that I would get over the craving of wanting to be so badly broken, manipulated and molded into something new. That the ache I feel in my body thinking about it being abused, violated, ruined and worshipped..would eventually fade away. My body and even worse, my mind, just feel that much more needy and desperate for it. The thoughts in my head never quiet, constantly thinking about being..hunted, because I caught someone's eye and they couldn't even help themselves. Somebody who knows how to take any sense of safety I ever felt, and at the same time, no matter how long or what it took, warping my mind so that the only place I feel safe is him. Feeling any power and control stripped away from me, sweet nothings mixed with words that send fear traveling down my spine, my body betraying me even while my mouth is screaming and begging no. Every daydream just gets even darker, and more depraved, every thought more humiliating and twisted. There's nothing I've ever needed more than to just be..broken..by somebody that knows exactly how to physically ruin my body and shatter my pretty little mind.
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