I dunno how not to give into the pleasure of submitting, of being humiliated, owned and degradated. I dunno how to be a normal human and not crave the things i do. I think sometimes of turning my back on this. Sometimes I'll delete everything and try my hardest to stay away but ill always crawl back to it. I think im just programmed that way.

I wanna be owned so much, to be a toy completely mold by my owner, no thought just blindly following orders ans being the best version of a toy i can be.

I live at home with my family so it makes it a little harder and also i work five days a week so i would need someone from the same timezone or similar, im from the uk.

Below is details on how a previous relationship went just to get an idea of what i want.

When i was 25 i found this guy that introduced me to TPE. I didnt know anything about it at the time so it was very new to me. I was there to amuse him and suffer but my pussy liked it so much.

Daily life at that time. I would be bound in someway for bed. Crotch rope, chasity or sometimes a vibrator on my clit. Not on but enough to keep me needy. Legs where bound a lot. And he would make me sleep on books. I have a lot and he didnt want me reading them so they helped with my discomfort. I would wake in the morning and if i was off work i would wait til my owner was awake. I would send him a good morning message and ask to be unbound. Sometimes i would have to stay there while he was eating breakfast and sometimes i would have to edge my pussy before i could get up.

He would then inspect my body make me take a picture of my front and back and deem if i needed a wash. Sometimes he would leave me a while to see how long it would take for me to crack. I hated not being allowed to wash because my hair would grow back and i would feel dirty. If i was permitted a bath it had to be cold. I would shave and wash and then tell him i was done. Sometimes he would allow me out straight away others he would have me sit in the bath with my hands on my head for however long.

When i was out of the bath i was allowed a towel to get to my room and then i would have to kneel upon it and drip dry. He would a lot of the times make me edge here as well, quick ones over and over. I wasn't allowed to beg to stop either or moan or make any noise. If i did any i would report it to him and he would make me get hard objects and put them under my knees so it was more uncomfortable.

He would dress me in skirts a lot and revealing tops. I had to be careful a lot because i live at home with my family. He would fill my days with writing lines, cleaning my room, edging my body, sometimes he would have men suggest what to write on my body. Just anything to humiliate me. He liked me to watch porn of girls cumming to show me that I wouldn't be allowed that until permitted.

Days that i was allowed release he would make me bind my body. Boobs bound completely naked and a vibe tied to my pussy. I would be so needy because it would be so long since my last one. I would always beg for the release for the first one. Want it so badly. but after the first the Vibe would stay in place and i would have to take them over and over. It would be horrible. He would leave me there for hours. I couldnt beg to stop i came because he wanted like i was denied because he wanted. Once the day was over he would have me kneel before bed and edge my body over and over til i was nice and worked up. It wouldnt take me much to get there.

He would sometimes give me numbers of orgasms i had to reach. It would always be high unreachable so he could make me suffer after. He liked to put toothpaste on my pussy after cumming so it burnt and would find it amusing.

Eating apart from dinnner every meal was on the floor. Naked a lot of the time with a crotch rope on. For breakfast he would allow me ceral with water. Lunch was toast with nothing on. dinner was the only meal i ate like a human at the table with my family, though he would edge me before hand and put me in chasity. I also wasn't allowed to make conversation at the table only when being asked a question was i permitted to talk.

Talking was something that was change. I wasnt allowed to go out of my way to make conversation, to be honest because i was so needy all the time i didnt think of much else and my head always felt foggy. Addressing myself to him i would have to use words like it, slut, slave. Anything that made me sound less human.

We had a safeword in place if things got to much and limits were respected. Also we worked around my family so sometimes there was things i couldnt do because it was risky.

Kinks: Bondage Humiliation Degradation Hypnosis TPE Dehumanisation Pet play Chemical play

Limits Nothing in holes apart from mouth because i have sensory issues due to autism No blackmail No face pictures straight away No video or phone calls straight away No exposure to friends and family No showing of tattoos on arms and legs No permanent marks

I really want something like this again. Also someone of the same timezone of similar would be great. Do treat me like a human, he got my attention because he told me how he would treat me and didnt let me feel like a human once.