Normally I write these more open-ended, but since you clicked on that terrible joke of a title, your prize is the exact scene I want to play out. And that is you, a little nervous, a little scared, bound to your very bed. With rope, or maybe cuffs and chains, I’ll hardly quibble; I have both. Hopefully being nervous has made you horny, because you will not be allowed to orgasm, a point that I will make several times over. Truly, I’ll relish that fact, you repeating it back to me, me whispering it right in your ear, “and good pets don’t cum, isn’t that right?”

I’d also like to heighten your senses by making a mockery of them. Touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing… I have tricks and tools to give and take them away. We’ll negotiate it all in advance, but if it’s laid out on the towel at the start, it may be used against you.

About me: 26 years old, a bi cis woman, a switchy brat seeking a power trip. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years; our relationship is open but this ad is for me only. We live together and it’s honestly pretty gross how into each other we are. Live and work in DC. Been practicing kink since college; feel free to scroll back on my profile. I love going to Tatte and the zoo, am literally always at the grocery store, and am in my ‘it’s okay to be basic’ phase. I keep freshwater fish and composting worms (alive! in our apartment!) and am an A snuggler.

About you:

~Hopefully 25-35. In theory, I will play with 22-42 but my best connections tend to be closer in age.

~Single, or in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. I do not play with people in don’t ask, don’t tell arrangements.

~Submissive, or a fellow switch. It’s okay if you are a novice, but please be seeking sources besides kinky partners to learn.

~Wanting to meet IRL. I’m happy to photo verify as soon as we start chatting, but I love first dates and will ask that we meet pretty quickly. That means I'm looking for someone local, too - somewhere in the DC area/Metro-accessible.

~Going to send me a message that puts in at least a paragraph’s worth of effort. I’ve posted many an ad before and I used to respond to every person, even just to turn them down. I treat myself better now, so you need to put your best foot forward.

Let’s grab boba/coffees/meet at the library/run errands/go to a clothing swap/wait in an awful line for that new trendy thing together! Then I’ll be more than happy to make you blush the next time we see each other. Pinky promise.