Full disclosure, this isn't my first time posting here by far. I've made a number of posts before and actually met a fair number of quite interesting people - which in itself is kind of encouraging that I'm not the only person who is oriented this way - but so far no one that I really, really clicked with I guess. So here goes another try.

While what I'm looking for is more or less the same, and in a sense I've known I wanted this pretty much as long as I've been attracted to women at all, I think enough time has passed and I'm in a different enough place in life it probably makes sense to write out a new post rather than just reposting old ones.

If you clicked on this, odds are we're probably on roughly the same page with what we're looking for. But to be clear, I'm looking for a serious romantic relationship that while ideally mutually fulfilling is one with a clear power dynamic, in which we both embrace and thrive in our respective roles. I think communication and common understanding is critically important in any serious relationship, particularly of this sort. But at the same time, I'd want my girlfriend to have 'authority' over me (for lack of a better term). Hopefully we'd be able to discuss almost anything, but I think I'd want you to have the final say in decisions, and we'd have an understanding that if you asked me to do something, it was my role to obey you.

While we'd both have our own lives and interests, and this relationship wouldn't be everything for either of us (because that doesn't seem healthy), in the context of the relationship, your comfort and pleasure would take priority. I feel like I'm quite service-oriented by nature, and really like the thought of doing tasks to make my girlfriend's life easier and more pleasant. I have a strong tendency towards compersion (getting pleasure from pleasing someone else) in the context of a romantic relationship, I think it's fair to say.

In the past few years I've dated a lot and met a lot of interesting people. It's nice in its own way, but on some level I feel a "normal" relationship dynamic isn't really how I'm oriented. So maybe that's part of what makes it hard to connect with potential partners longterm. And unfortunately it isn't very socially acceptable to seek out this sort of relationship openly, I'm kind of left with just the internet as an outlet to search for it. Not really complaining; at least we live in an era where it's possible for people of similar inclinations to meet each other from all over the world.

But it does leave me with a lack of practical experience in this sort of relationship dynamic. It would be new for me; something I've wanted and craved most of my life and never found, but still new. I know very much that I want the idea of it; it seems psychologically fulfilling in a way "normal" relationships wouldn't be. But as it is still something I haven't experienced, I would hope that any potential partner would be patient and understanding in taking leadership over me as we find a dynamic that works well for us. I suppose any relationship necessarily involves acclimation to the other person, but particularly one with a power dynamic like this.

Ideally, I'd like to talk to ladies interested in this dynamic looking for a partner. I'd very much prefer it if we started off with somewhat casual conversation without much of an overt power dynamic, and assuming we connect well, with time you could gradually start asserting more power over me.

At the very least, don't send me a first message presuming we're already in a relationship with a power dynamic (and yes, I've encountered that a number of times in the past). I find that really cringy and immature, and probably won't respond if you do. I'm submissive male and this relationship dynamic is hard to find, but I still have standards and am willing to wait for a quality partner.

I'm also demisexual, so I'd need to form an emotional bond before feeling comfortable being explicitly sexual with you (fine talking about it in the abstract of course). So if you send me overly sexual content from the start, I'd probably be likewise put off and not interested.

Finally, given the fact that this sort of relationship dynamic still isn't fully socially acceptable in a lot of the world due to, in my view, irrational prejudice... I think it would be necessary to present ourselves to the world as a "normal" couple, and keep this dynamic simply between us. It's really no one else's business anyway, as I see it.

That all out of the way, some basic info about me for starters:

• 34, male.
• INTP. High openness to experience. Mid-high conscientiousness. Moderate introversion. Reasonably high agreeableness (I figure most subs would score this way, lol). Can be a bit neurotic under stress sometimes, but I'm aware of it and trying to minimize this as much as possible.
• While I'm introverted by nature, I'm outgoing and sociable, and fairly good at faking being an extravert. It's acting though, and takes psychological energy. I definitely need time by myself to "recharge". Even in the context of an intimate relationship, I'd hope my partner would respect this and give me some time to myself so I can be my full self.
• I value self-improvement very highly, and hope my potential partner would as well. I don't think I come off as "submissive" in my day to day life, and doubt anyone in my personal life would suspect I have these sorts of thoughts and feelings regarding a relationship. Ideally I'd find an ambitious lady, and in the context of the relationship help support her in continuing to develop herself, and as she takes leadership, helps encourage me in my own self-development. I feel this dynamic actually could work really well for that, strangely.
• Pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. It's variously a blessing and a curse. Trying my best to channel it to productive ends of creativity. But sometimes lose focus on tasks and all that. If I lived in a western country, I'd probably try to get formally diagnosed as the few times I've tried them, I've found stimulants really help me focus (which part of why I think I have the condition). But that's not really a thing here, so no point at the moment.
• I'm 183 cm tall and currently at about 85kg. Fairly muscular build. I go to the gym most days and cycle almost anywhere I go. Naturally brown hair, but I usually dye it black. Cut fairly short, and short facial hair as well. Blue-green eyes. Some people jokingly say I look a bit like a younger version of current Eminem. Willing to send pictures after a few posts if you seem cool, but not comfortable posting them here.
• Originally from the West, but I've lived in China for about a decade now. Willing to move elsewhere in the future if life circumstances make sense to do so. Actually I like the idea of experiencing more of the world in my lifetime. But I do have a generally positive impression of China, so if you're strongly anti-China (as elements of this site seem to be), we're probably not going to be compatible. Happy to discuss it respectfully like anything else of course. But most of my adult life and career has been here, and I kind of identify with the country at least as much as anywhere else I've ever lived in, and I don't see that changing in the future even if I end up moving abroad later on. So I ask potential partners accept this or move on to the next profile here. TBH this is the point I'm most worried about posting here, more than the whole wanting to be submissive thing itself. lol
• I work in education right now, and like it for what it is. But at the same time I feel that I'm at a point in life where I want to expand my skillset and maybe go in another direction. I have one year left in my current contract and seriously considering graduate school after this. Potentially anywhere.
• I'm a leftist and anti-war, and these values are pretty important to me. If you're apolitical it's totally fine, but if our values are significantly at odds, it's probably going to be a dealbreaker, so maybe save us both the time and move on to the next one of the hundreds of sub guys posting here, lol.
• That said, I also really enjoy philosophy and understanding and discussing other ideas. I try my best to honestly understand all worldviews in their own terms as much as it is humanly possible to do so.
• I'm an atheist and exvangelical, but at the same time practice meditation and follow the moral/esoteric philosophy of an atheistic religion (yes, that's a thing, lol. willing to explain more if you're curious; just don't want to say too much here as I fear it could be specific enough info to identify me personally). I don't really mind what your religious affiliation or lack thereof is. I actually find it quite interesting to discuss these topics with people if you like. Or if not it's cool too. But just putting that out there.
• In my free time, I enjoy traveling (I've been to the majority of provinces here in China and close to 30 countries), cycling, hiking, yoga, listening to podcasts on psychology and esoteric philosophy (Alan Watts and Esoterica are my homeboys), chilling with friends, all that good stuff. I also really enjoy roleplaying games, and am getting ready to DM my first campaign of DnD in quite a number of years. (Excited but nervous, lol. :) )
• For movies, I prefer science fiction and psychological horror, but lots of other good stuff too. (Bonus points if you get the reference in my username. Only realized after making it that it sounds like "the destroyer of earth", but that was almost the opposite of what I meant. lol).
• I have the idea for a series of novels and am slowly, slowly in the process kinda sorta of writing them (if scene by scene, out of order, as I get inspiration).
• I like pets, but given my current living situation it isn't really practical to have dogs or cats. I've raised snakes in the past and am thinking of getting into raising praying mantises as they're apparently not too difficult either and look pretty.
• I'm very pro-420 and psychedelics (which I incorporate into my meditative practice), but dislike the idea of "drugs" as the idea of being addicted to something is at odds with the value system I hold. So if that's a dealbreaker to you, again, plenty of other sub guys out there, and good luck with your search, lol.

Traits I'd value in a potential partner (beyond just looking for the same relationship dynamic I explain above):

• Open-mindedness. I mean, if you're reading this, you probably already check this box. But I really like reading and considering and discussing all sorts of ideas. And I think it would be important to be able to communicate with my partner in this way. If you identify as a sapiosexual, it's a plus, but definitely not necessary.
• Appearance-wise... Honestly, like anyone, there are certain physical traits I find attractive. But especially in the context of a relationship with this sort of power dynamic, the attraction is actually a lot more psychological. The more assertive you in establishing power so to speak, the more attracted I'm going to be to you in the long run, I think. I do try to have an active lifestyle and value being healthy, so would hope you likewise value this and are health conscious. But I don't judge if maybe you aren't in ideal form now if you're making a serious effort to be so. (I used to be quite overweight myself in the past, so I get that it's not an easy thing). Just... if you're significantly out of physical shape, and view that as something you want to identify with permanently.... I respect your right to live your life as you want, but I don't think we're on the same wavelength here. Sorry if that seems a bit judgmental, but figure it's best to be honest from the start.
• Age-wise... I don't judge much here, as long as we're in a reasonably similar stage of life. If you're working or in graduate school, we're probably more or less compatible. Early-mid 20s - 40s probably seems reasonable. I don't mind an older partner (especially in this sort of dynamic) although if you're a full generation or more removed, I think it might be hard to connect, as our experience of the world would be so different; nor is being younger a dealbreaker unless you're like just starting university or something (which feels a bit odd, tbh).
• Hopefully we have at least a few interests and hobbies in common, or I think it'd be hard to connect on a deeper level.

Ehh, that's about it I guess? At least all I can really think of at the moment, and this post is getting kinda long. Probably a million more things I could say, but maybe it's better to communicate that through organic conversation.

So if you think we might be on the same page here, maybe send me a message and we can see how things go. At the very least, if nothing else, might be nice to talk to someone else who understands how I think about relationships, because it's not really something I can discuss openly despite it being a very strongly felt part of my identity (I kinda conceptualize it as an aspect of sexual orientation and being 'in the closet' about it; maybe that's not entirely accurate as a construct, but it's how it feels).

Anyway, if you got through this whole long rambly post, feel free to mention something about 'serendipity' so I know you did. Or just be yourself and be friendly and see if we hopefully connect, haha.

P.S. - While I am looking for a relationship dynamic that is mutually affectionate, yet my girlfriend has the authority in the relationship (and I hope I articulated that decently clearly above), please don't describe yourself as a 'mommy domme'. I find that rather Freudian and off-putting. Maybe just my personal quirk, lol. ._.