Hello ladies stroking both my eyebrows with a single calm movement of my right thumb and index finger,

I'm Kert and I see you've fallen right into my trap. But to be honest, you could do far worse. I'm an okay catch. Nothing you'd boast about to your friends (let's be honest, I sincerely hope you don't boast about your Reddit hookups to your friends). I'm more the guy you'd like to hang out with because he cracks fun jokes and fills the silence. And on an unlucky day at 3 AM in a club, after too many gin tonics, you see all your friends are making out with the hot guys called Kyle, Kevin and Josh, you'd see me in the crowd, staring at you like an ostrich. You'd turn around the heart necklace your daddy gifted "his little princess" for her 18th birthday (because daddy didn't know what a perverted sicko he raised), you shotgun your last gin tonic and think "well... Actually why not!". Since "why not" is good enough for me, we hook up, exchange O faces and I'll leave the minute you fall asleep. I'm that guy, just on Reddit. Question is: are you that girl?

In rare cases, the horny female experiences a morning with Kert. Obviously this only happens when the ONS happens at Kert's place which he tries to avoid. Kert values an utterly satisfying breakfast, that gives both sides goosebumps, more than anything. At the beginning, he checks all the eating preferences, allergies and habits of his now houseguest. He also establishes early on how the lucky lady will communicate should she not enjoy her breakfast. Kert walks her through his catalogue of table etiquette and decides together with his girl what rules will be in place. None of them will be decided by Kert alone because he's not an asshole. Kert will then serve little appetizers. He enjoys to spread them out over the day (for breakfast???) Because appetite can never be forced. He'll make sure to only serve dishes that both sides like. But eventually it has to be clear that his guest, by eating at Kert's table, should do her best to please Kert. Kert isn't a fan of forward thinkers, he wants a good people pleaser, worshipping his food and thanking him for serving it. If the guest doesn't follow the house rules, there will be due punishment. If the guest follows the rules like a good little girl, there will be lots of praise and reward! One thing kert never tolerates is people spitting out his food. Good guests swallow.

--> hey I'm Kert. I want to give a quick shout out and underline I'm not like other guys! Other guys want their forever sub. Other guys want their soulmate inside and outside the bedroom. They want someone intelligent, independent and kind. I say Nah nah! I don't want your future housewifes. I don't want your PhD candidates. I want a dumb bimbo that does the ahegao face for me when she cums ❤️

Jokes aside so that you know I'm not a total lunatic. I have been characterized as, among other things, a gentle sadist. I've been active in the scene for 4.5 years, offline as well as online. I have never had two dynamics that were similar and for me that's the beauty of it. It completely depends on both people involved. What's most important for me is to communicate openly and constructively and to make sure both sides have the fun of their life. I'll throw in a few buzzwords for my kinks: impact play, CNC, free use, breath play, edging, denial, deepthroat / face fucking, anal, praise, degradation, humiliation, dd/lg, spanking, bondage, breeding, rules. Limits: beastiality, scat, anything illegal. Now back to the jokes.

You should not reach out if you have too much self-respect, average standards, can't communicate your needs and feelings (this one for real though) and like to think for yourself rather than letting daddy do it. You should definitely reach out if you don't take all of this too seriously and don't mind to switch from laughing your ass off to being edged for hours and being a horny mess for daddy.

Attachment A: Excerpt from the reference letter from my previous sub "Kert is an exceptional Dom [...] And exceeds expectations. Kert has ruined me for further dynamics and virtual one night stands alike. His strong hands, superb physique, commanding voice and overall vibe have made it utterly easy for me to submit within minutes. His massive cock left me awe-inspired and i couldn't help myself but to look at his countless dick pics whenever I feel a tingling in my loins. His dirty talk was [...] good."

Attachment B: Transcript of the audiodescription of my dick pic for the visually impaired The subject sits on his bed, legs spread wide. He is clothed in a dark t-shirt and boxers. Out of the boxers lurk his cock and balls which seem to be attached to each other. His balls seem to be full and ready to "release their semen" as the cool kids say. His cock is lying on his right leg. Due to its massive girth and size, it must be easier for it to rest there than to stand up straight. The foreskin seems to have been carefully and permanently removed. The tip is thick and glitters under a gentle drop of precum. The cock has a thick muscle at its base and is modernly shaven. The cock can be described as satisfactory and above average.

PS: if you've read until here, start your message with any common greeting (hi, hello, hey) so that I know you've read this post.