For a moment, don't think about who you are from inside yourself. Think about the woman you are when seen from without. Not the façade you present to the world, but what those who know you best make of you. Try to be honest about yourself.

With me? Great.

You're amazing.

You're at the top of your game. You're smart and impassioned, hardworking and funny, generous and capable and kind. You've achieved all you have, both personally and otherwise, through dedicated and meticulous effort, and you've reaped what you've sown. You respect yourself and don't waste anyone's time. You are admired because you are admirable.

If you aren't at the apex of your life's trajectory, it's only because you're still climbing higher.

And it's lonely at the top.

You meet men and they're fine. Special in their own ways, generous or clever or some other positive descriptor that gives your friends a reason to smile when you talk about each of one. They're fine. They're enough. When you run the numbers, they're good matches. No one would bat an eye to get a Save The Date for you and him, or him, or him. Any of them would be fine.

There's nothing wrong with fine. Lots of people make that choice. The question is why you haven't.

I think it's because, deep down, you hope you deserve more than fine.

Look at yourself – again, from the outside. Look at what you've accomplished, at what you've made of yourself. You know your history wasn't smooth and your resources weren't abundant, and you've grown into the redoubtable woman you are in spite of that. You did the hard work. Why?

You climbed to the top of the tower, and at that height, what you deserve is someone what makes you feel like you've been struck by fucking lightning.

It's scary, clinging to your apogee and feeling the rain beat your face as you wait for the jolt. It's dangerous, making yourself so vulnerable and exposed that a strong wind can loosen your grip and a thunderclap can make you want to hide. It's uncertain, dark clouds hiding the sun and making it impossible for your eyes to adjust to what will come.

And when it does, it's unlike anything else. It electrifies you, making a lightning rod of your skeleton and vivifying you from crown to core. It knocks the wind out of you, leaves you spasming and overwhelmed and rudderless. But, mercifully, it also grounds you, fixing you like nitrogen in a place that was always made for you. Fertile soil from which to grow anew, forever changed, forever yourself. Always looking skyward.

At him.

It's easy to argue that you aren't ready, but this isn't about preparation, and you may need his help. It's easy to argue that you can get by with less, but you didn't begin your search just to get by – you didn't climb so high just to climb back down and settle. It's easiest of all to argue that you don't deserve this, that you're less than I've described, that you're unsure or unsteady or unable to accept the risk of so blinding a love.

But remember, we're not talking about you as you see yourself. It's you as you are. No matter how much impostor syndrome or atelophobia lurks in your heart, you're worth more than your demons say. You can't deny what you've done, who you've made yourself. Why did you do it all?

For you. For him. Forever.

Still with me?

Good.

Tl;dr: Insightful man seeks smart, self-aware woman for realistic life-long TPE relationship. Please inquire via PM for so, so many more details.