In our apartment there are four closets, and really any of them would be feasible to shove a person into. But I recently cleared out some space on the floor of one, sorted out the motorcycle parts from the spare cords you always think you need to keep and copious loose rubber bands, and thought to myself what a nice time it would be to be kept in a closet. This is the beginning of our offer to you.

Come by our place! We’ll welcome you at the door, monitor you as you strip, and then keep your clothes nice and safe and away from you. Two sets of hands make short work of applying blindfolds and hoods and cuffs, so you won’t have to wait long before you’re lead - or carried - to your cozy patch of hardwood closet floor. White noise through headphones is punctuated by moments of silence where you can just make out what we’re doing outside. The door may open a few times; maybe you’ll have your experience enriched by further torment, maybe you’ll have earned the chance to act as a footstool for us, or maybe - just maybe - you’ll get to clean one or the other of us off with your tongue. When we’re through, we’ll stretch, wipe up, and gently come-to together.

We’re a switchy couple - we see this offer as a chance to co-dominate someone lovely, but given another person involved, we’re open to how power may be configured. We’ve been together for just under four years and both had separate partners. She’s negotiated three-way dynamics before, whereas he is able to semi-correctly pronounce ‘menage a trois’. Sometimes we’re at the Crucible but mostly we play at home, where the rope, shackles, dog cage, shower, and ice cream in the freezer live. So, if you’d like to be taunted, kept in the dark, have your senses taken away, and strain to hear the goings-on just outside the door, please respond to this ad with the last album you listened to. Whether you’re a pathetic worm, an over-eager submissive, a little pet, a fellow brat, or a moldable servant, we’d like to meet you for coffee or a drink, and see if we want more.