I seek an adversary turned amour, a foe turned fucktoy, a partner in crime for a love story that rivals the most epic romances of yore. You know, the ones that you love so much, those about them aliens and dukes and billionaires… just probably, to both our disappointment, slightly more realistic.

What I want is simple, really. A few fiery glares with those beautiful gold-sprinkled orbs of yours, some bratty banter that makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe even some exposed ankles if we should hit it off.

But with whom would you be hitting it?

Well, I am a mountain cabin sort of man who enjoys reading, spanking a nice ass, cooking, tying people up (for non-murdery reasons mostly), being grumpy, fucking and man-handling a pretty face, and sipping on a peaty scotch here and there.

Kids, for some odd reason, really like me, but I’d prefer for them to keep their grubby hands far away from me. So if your womb is absolutely barren and your family has hence cast you out (or if you are simply childfree), that would be ideal.

I am not one for thrillers, but I do appreciate their mental aspects. Just like any good serial killer (which I’m totally not), I, too, want to get into your mind, learn who you are, how you work, and why you are the way you are. And then I want to use that knowledge for both our benefit. Plus, I promise the only thing getting murdered will be your pusäads1312öl,feä69… sorry, mosquito. You know how it is in imaginary mountain cabins.

Anyway, what about you, you ask? Well, I like a smart-mouthed woman who doesn’t let others push her around, but one who is willing to be vulnerable with me, to open up to me and let me see what lies beyond. I like being in control, I enjoy being kept on my toes, and I will enjoy giving you a proper spanking for keeping me on my toes even more; you should be fond of all of those things too. There are a lot more kinks but those we can discuss privately.

So if all of this sounds appealing to you then let’s begin with the aforementioned disappointing of each other. Hit me with your best meet cute and let’s see if ours is a love story for the ages (and by ages I mean 18 and up. Actually, make that 21 and up).