It's okay if you clicked this because the title was alliterative and you were curious to see if the bit continued. It doesn't. I will continue to be charming and funny, just not in that way.

I know more about you than you do about me, at this particular juncture. I know, for example, that you're a woman. I know that because you clicked on a link marked "4F" and you're still reading after the curiosity about the alliteration bit has been satisfied. But, you clicked on a "T4F" link and honestly what the fuck does that mean. Am I a dude? Am I a lady? You bet your tits I am, princess! I'm genderfluid. I do he or she pronouns. I'm a lesbian, it's not a big deal. I've got a bigger wiener than most lesbians. I've anticipated the broader, most likely to be asked questions. You have specific questions because you're a specific person and you should feel free to ask them.

Now, you know more about me than I know about you. But what you know about me is surely not enough to persuade you to reach out and form a connection, so here's more stuff! Free! Gratis! I listen to music. Lately I've been getting into ABBA and also Oingo Boingo. That is not a representative sample, in the least. Mostly I listen to punk music, riot grrrl if we're getting more specific. But!, if an ABBA song comes on I will be happy about it. I am hard to pin down.

I don't watch a lot of TV. If it's a Star Wars show I'll probably watch it. If it's on Dropout I'll watch it and pester you to watch it. I'm a big fan of Dropout and you should be too. I recently binged 15 seasons of Survivor and don't anticipate putting any more of that on. But you never know.

I have said a lot already and I don't think I've written even a single sexy thing. Maybe the thing about my big wiener but I don't think it counts because it was kinda flippant. Should I start now? Should I? Should I flip that switch? Activate sexy mode? Okay. Alright. You asked for it.

I like to be in control. I'm not a brat tamer. I don't do that. I want you to submit because you like to submit, not because of the threat of punishment. Likewise, I want to play with pain not because you've been annoying, but because we both agree that leaving marks on your ass is an activity we both enjoy on its own. I want your consent to bully you and boss you around at my leisure, and I want you to withdraw that consent when or if it suits you. It's about a mature and responsible conversation. That said, here's a selection of my interests: I want to zap your titties; I want to tie you down and tickle you until you piss your panties; I want to put your face in the puddle and fuck you in the asshole; I want to put a remote control toy in you and take you to dinner and torment you while you order dessert; I want to write degrading messages all over your body; I want to leave stripes on your ass, tits and thighs with my cane; I want to spit in your face. You get the idea.

I also want romance. I didn't write four paragraphs about my nonsexual interests on accident. I want someone I can talk to. I want to go on cute dates. The remote control buttplug can come too if you're up for it. But the point is: sweet smart sadist seeks something special.

Include in your message a description of yourself and what you seek. Be prepared to offer a verification selfie including a hand gesture to be determined later. If you are not willing or able to meet in real life in a timely manner, don't bother with the message. If you're a dude and you message me I will report you as spam.