It's okay if you clicked this because the title was alliterative and you were curious to see if the bit continued. It doesn't. I will continue to be charming and funny, just not in that way.

I know more about you than you do about me, at this particular juncture. I know, for example, that you're a woman. I know that because you clicked on a link marked "4F" and you're still reading after the curiosity about the alliteration bit has been satisfied. But, you clicked on a "T4F" link and honestly what the fuck does that mean. Am I a dude? Am I a lady? You bet your tits I am, princess! I'm genderfluid. I do he or she pronouns. I'm a lesbian, it's not a big deal. I've got a bigger wiener than most lesbians. I've anticipated the broader, most likely to be asked questions. You have specific questions because you're a specific person and you should feel free to ask them.

Now, you know more about me than I know about you. But what you know about me is surely not enough to persuade you to reach out and form a connection, so here's more stuff! Free! Gratis! I listen to music. Lately I've been getting into ABBA and also Oingo Boingo. That is not a representative sample, in the least. Mostly I listen to punk music, riot grrrl if we're getting more specific. But!, if an ABBA song comes on I will be happy about it. I am hard to pin down. I am the ever-moving intersection of a million spectra.

I don't watch a lot of TV. If it's a Star Wars show I'll watch it. If it's on Dropout I'll watch it and pester you to watch it. I'm a big fan of Dropout and you should be too. I recently binged 15 seasons of Survivor and don't anticipate putting any more of that on. But you never know.

I have said a lot already and I don't think I've written even a single sexy thing. Maybe the thing about my big wiener but I don't think it counts because it was kinda flippant. Should I start now? Should I? Should I flip that switch? Activate sexy mode? Okay. Alright. You asked for it.

I like to be in control. I'm not a brat tamer. I don't do that. I want you to submit because you like to submit, not because of the threat of punishment. Likewise, I want to play with pain not because you've been annoying, but because we both agree that leaving marks on your ass is an activity we both enjoy on its own. I want your consent to bully you and boss you around at my leisure, and I want you to withdraw that consent when or if it suits you. It's about a mature and responsible conversation. That said, here's a selection of my interests: I want to zap your titties; I want to tie you down and tickle you until you piss your panties; I want to put your face in the puddle and fuck you in the asshole; I want to put a remote control toy in you and take you to dinner and torment you while you order dessert; I want to write degrading messages all over your body; I want to leave striped on your ass, tits and thighs with my cane; I want to spit in your face. You get the idea.

I also want romance. I didn't write four paragraphs about my nonsexual interests on accident. I want someone I can talk to. I want to go on cute dates. I'll be disappointed if you don't want to go see Barbie with me. The remote control buttplug can come too if you're up for it. But the point is: sweet smart sadist seeks something special.

Include in your message a description of yourself and what you seek. Be prepared to offer a verification selfie including a hand gesture to be determined later. If you are not willing or able to meet in real life in a timely manner, don't bother with the message. If you're a dude and you message me I will report you as spam.