There is something about need, versus want. To be wanted is fine, itâs enjoyable, whatever. Someone who wants to be beaten, tortured, raped and abused can be a good time.
Whatâs better is someone who needs it. Someone who hates everything happening to her, who begs and screams and cries for mercy, but who would be heartbroken if she received any. Someone who needs to suffer, to be treated as lesser, to be owned and claimed and who despises that need itselfâŚ
Thatâs transcendent.
The way she recoils at my touch, afraid even the kindest gesture hides cruelty. Sheâs learned. She knows that nothing about our relationship is designed to make her happy. Of course thatâs what she craves- to say âNo, please donâtâ and have it literally spit back in her face. To say âI canât take any moreâ and to be forced to accept that yes, you can.
The mocking insults come casually- and you hate every time youâre reminded of your place with a piercing barb. Commentary on flaws, real and imagined, twisted and prodded until minor concerns become the only thing you can see in yourself.
Of course you donât want this. You need it. And you hate how desperately you do so.
You disappear so eagerly into your misery. You loathe yourself for writhing in ecstasy when youâre degraded and objectified. I savor every bit of your pain, emotional or physical. My delight in your agony makes you feel so proud, yet so pitiful all at once.
Why put it off any longer? Introduce yourself.
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