Alright. I've been around the block a few times, and there's pretty much exactly three things we need to match on. I'll save us both some time, and get right to the point.

1. Mutual attraction: It's not the most important, but it's the easiest to assess. I'd humbly count myself as decently attractive (especially by reddit standards). Great head of hair, in good shape (work out often), and eyelashes that will probably make you jealous. And if you don't mind most of those being blurred out, here's me verification. I don't necessarily have a "type," but am always a sucker for a great smile.
2. Similar energy: This is a much tougher one to peg, but 10x more important than the last. I get my energy from people—new friends, old friends, and interesting people that can teach me something new. I love sports, serendipity, and simplicity. Friends would probably describe me as cripplingly optimistic...and always 5 minutes late. I'm very well-educated, but hope you can't tell. Given the choice between a fancy dinner or pack lunch, I'd opt for neither; let's wander down the street and choose a hole-in-the-wall restaurant without checking google reviews.
3. Matching kinks: Well... I guess this is why we're meeting here and not on Hinge. In the last 5 years, I've turned a number of fantasies into experiences, most of which exceeded expectations. I want to stress that chemistry—more than any alignment in kinks—has historically been the most important marker. If we make it past that point, maybe we can have some fun with rope (top kink by far), free use, rough oral, cnc, orgasm play, and sensory deprivation (and whatever else you're into).

Hm... this turned out more like a work email than I intended. Sorry I forgot to attach the slides ;)

Anyways, if you think we'll go 3/3 on the above, reach out! And for the rest of you bored, horny friends—good luck and stay safe out there 😉