One of these online tarot readings told me to put myself out there since “the love of my life” will find me this year. Here goes another attempt with Reddit. Let’s hope it’s my last one. :)

I keep getting told that my standards are too high. Let’s prove them wrong.

This ad is a short, blunt format to switch things up. For a more in-depth and literal approach, find the posts in my profile. I recently got the “Wholesome” award for one of them <3

Me:

27 years old, 153cm / 5ft 0in, petite, soft but athletic build, witty and intelligent, bilingual (GER/ENG), a sunshine in public with a dark side in private, polite and well-mannered (a little prudish and shy, perhaps), overthinker, hopeless romantic with unrealistic scenarios (Enemies to Lovers, Hero x Villain, Soldier x Civilian) but aware enough to filter out toxic patterns in real life scenarios. Privileged enough to know a taste of luxury, but humble enough to thoroughly appreciate it.

Highly driven, constantly overworked and kind of stressed from building my own business as an artist/cosplayer (SFW) on Patreon. Lived 25 years with chronic pain; now spent the past 2 years trying to learn how to “human” and find my footing. Don’t really have an off-switch until I run into a burnout every few months. Enormously hard on myself because I feel like I have to catch up to two decades of experience and achievements, despite none of that being my fault. I’m semi-famous but make no money from it because I’m too polite to shove ads down people’s throats or ask for money. That’s something I’m going to change, this year.

Used to have horses and want to take lessons again. West Coast Swing and Salsa are things I’m considering to get into, this year! Artistically a jack of all trades but master of none, like to game (or watch you game because I get nervous when things get too intense). Have a Bengal cat daughter that I won’t give up and isn’t compatible with other cats. Dogs are ok. Personally yearn to give up control and trust my partner, but that’s only possible if you’re genuinely more competent and safer than my own capabilities.

You:

28-39 years old, patriarchal but not domineering, capable and willing to provide for a comfortable life (mid to high class), calm authority that is encouraging rather than stifling, offering boundaries and guidance that aim to nurture and improve. More muscle than me, please. Preferably with basic or advanced grappling knowledge. Knowing my man can and will put me in my place through physical outmaneuvering makes me feel safe. ;) Capable to outmaneuver me intellectually, too. I can handle a uniformed spouse (blue, green or red) but of course I’d worry for your safety.

Us:

Engaged in 2024, married in 2025? ;) Perhaps in Switzerland (one of the safest, most beautiful countries) but I’m open to relocation if things fit. I imagine us living comfortably enough that I don’t have to be jealous of my father’s new wife draining my family’s inheritance by buying another car or motorcycle on their third residence in the world.

Spice:

Vast. If the above sections are fitting, then we’ll most likely be compatible in spice, too.

What now?

Please send me a picture or video link along with your message. I won’t move to other platforms or chat for two days before that. If there’s attraction, I’ll immediately send images back. If this is an issue for you, I wish you all the best for your future search! But I ask you not to waste my time. If you’re too shy for this or not tech-savvy enough to work around a safe upload link, we’re likely not a match.

If you are Mr Right, things will click.

P.S.: Banter is probably a better start to conversation than making crude wordplays about what you want to do with me. This is a kink subreddit, I get it. But this ad is for someone aiming to settle down – not for a “I’m horny, I’ll chat up any female poster while my other hand is occupied” mood. I block liberally.