So on this recent K is for Kinky! post , a few of us talked about long distance dynamics/play and whether or not they worked for us. I'm currently in an LDR with u/BoredTTT and while I can't wait til we are in the same city full time, right now long distance is our reality. Today we had a little mini play session and it made me think about the absolute mindfuck that is some of our long distance play.

I feel similarly to one of the commenters on the post: I can't spank myself. It doesn't work, it's not fun for me at all. That's why we've steered much of our pain play toward "tunnel play" where I can't control the intensity of the sensation. At first this was done for purposes of causing physical pain. As a masochist, I want all the pain but as a human it is really difficult to cause myself the level of thrilling pain I'm after, which is where things like clamps come in. As a sadist and Dom, he likes that I'm not in control of the level of pain - it allows him to retain the control even from afar.

But the mental side of this kind of play can be torturous, and I wasn't expecting that! Have you ever put really horribly painful clamps on yourself rather than having your topping partner put them on you? It is deliciously monstrous! You know what you're doing is going to hurt, your hands shake a little, you squeamishly squeal before they even touch you. Why am I, a grown adult alone in my bedroom, doing this to myself?! your inner voice screams inside your head. And then you do it, to your own self, and it is agony. The mindfuckery at hand is intense!

Recently we've begun playing with an electric shock dog collar. We use it on my arm and on a low setting to be extra cautious, but guess who has to push the stupid button? Yep, me! I have to shock my own self. Being shocked by him while we were out in public (I wore it under a huge winter coat and no one was the wiser, highly recommend!) was one terribly fun thing, but doing it to myself? Cue the squeamish squeals! I'm particularly nervous about electricity, and getting up the nerve to push the button and shock myself is such an enormous mindfuck.

To some extent, when you're playing over text/voice chat the mental aspect looms large because there is an absence of physical overpowering. Playing like this does require one to submit in a different way. You have to agree to play this game, as it were. I do really enjoy being made to submit through physical force, but I don't want to discount the power of this kind of mindfuck to worm its way into my brain and force me to submit in this other way. It's a powerful thing in its own right and it's surprised me how much it presses the right subby buttons for me.

Does the distance suck at times? Oh, hell yes. I'll never claim otherwise. I miss my partner tons! But we've found some really cool ways to play from afar, and I really love our current dynamic, distance and all. Anyone else been in an LDR/in one currently? How does the mental aspect affect you? What ways have you found to play and make it work?