My Sir asked me to share this journal entry, in case it might give someone hope or inspiration.

Wherever you are in life - don't lose hope!

Journal Entry 1: January 2022

Finally! All those years only brief moments, to taste what it could be like, only to whet my appetite more. All those years, lonely and depressed and feeling invisible and unwanted, but knowing exactly what i needed to do in order to improve. The amount of lists and schedules i've made! And never could i keep them. Because something was missing. Someone. My purpose. Someone i can admire and adore and look up to and who i can dedicate all my efforts to. Someone who wants me to, so i don't have to feel guilty about admiring them in secret. Someone who doesn't just want to get off before moving on and not having any more interest in me and my life. And finally, i get to explore this. Get to feel it. And not only that. Because it's not only about what i get to experience. It is something that can only happen together, so i hope that my Sir gets at least as much out of this as i do.Where to begin... One day soon i'll have to write down how it all came to be that we're in a dynamic at all, before that gets lost in the mists of time. That will be journal entry 0. But until then, here's what happened in the first month of my service to Sir.

For once in my life, i feel good. Not every day of course and whenever i get tired the mood sinks and i still get lonely. At other times i feel hectic because not all tasks are done yet and it's getting late and i really feel like i need a break. But overall, i feel very good. i've made progress in music and have enjoyed practising, which makes me very happy. My days start with a message to my Sir, someone who cares about me and someone i care deeply about and my days end with messages or calls with him. What i do, i do for him. There are many things i still need to learn. i need to get to know my Sir better, so that i can please him more. i need to learn how to use my time and energy well. Because even though i don't want to give up doing more of the tasks than Sir asks me to, i do need time for other things, so that i can feel that my life is fulfilling. How am i going to write poems or make other surprises for Sir, if i'm busy doing tasks that i'm not even supposed to do and tired afterwards? So i need to learn to find a good balance. i also need to get more comfortable and i appreciate very much that my Sir is in no rush. He pushes and nudges me, but he does so gently. i need to be nudged and pushed to make progress with certain things, but it also mustn't be too big of a step at once and Sir is a master in walking that line. i also feel more healthy because i've been working out and going on walks almost every day. So even though workouts are probably the least favourite of my tasks, i am still glad.

Everything is pretty much how i imagined it, before i stopped imagining because it was never going to happen anyway - and here we are. In fact, it is better than i imagined, because my imagination is limited by, well, me, but my Sir isn't... i love my Sir. He is caring, sweet, knows things and knows exactly what's going on, no matter what i do. He is also funny and matches my punergy. Ok, that was a bad one, sorry! He is also fair and everything feels...real. He said all D/s is play, but somehow, i think, in a way it's also not... He does hold me to my vows and tasks. i am grateful for the vows he gave me. Well, that i gave him, after he came up with them for me. They are guidelines for me to live by. i like not having to worry about how to act. With Sir, i usually know how i should or shouldn't act. Much still needs to be figured out, but my vows are a lifeline in the stormy sea that is - life!i especially like when Sir messes with me in some way. And he sure knows how to! But i also love all other moments with him. Particularly snuggly ones. Sometimes even when he says no, like when i beg to be allowed to stay up but he says no. i like when he makes decisions about my life. Of course i also want to make some decisions myself, but i enjoy that he is so involved in everything i do. i also like when Sir gets intense. There is this ambiguity about him. He can be both sweet and...intense at the same time. It's irresistible. But he is irresistible anyway. His voice certainly is. i sometimes wish he'd use more hypnosis or brainwashing even hahah, but he just doesn't need to because he's already affecting me so strongly.

i hope my Sir is satisfied with my performance. There are many things i still need to improve. But he even said himself - if there weren't then there wouldn't be much of a job for him left to do. Nonetheless, i will do my best to please him. Except for when i want to tease him, mwahahaha. Well, ok, i'll still do my best with the tasks, but i'll look for loopholes in the rules to keep him on his toes. Anyway, i am so very grateful that my Sir is my friend and took me on as his submissive. i hope there will be many more happy journal entries to write in the future.

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for Sir